


under thy own life’s key

by galvanator



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 'sharing a bed' trope is my favorite trope, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, HEA, Hux is actually the hero of this story, Marathon Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Rey straight up gets her pussy devoured, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Smut, aka the holy trinity, and honorable mentioned, author explores her fascination with asexual phasma, awkward morning afters are good for the soul, followed closely by, followed closely by ben's dick, idiots to lovers, it has never once gone wrong, softboi!Ben Solo, there is a startling lack of thigh riding in this fandom and i intend to rectify that, they finally have the sex!, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23586616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galvanator/pseuds/galvanator
Summary: “The top bunk is missing something.”“What?”“Something very important.”“Rey.”“A mattress.”She feels him take a deep breath, chest rising and falling beneath her hands.“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can just… share.”-Ben and Rey share a bed on a trip and everything is totally normal and nothing is weird.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 114
Kudos: 696





	1. all the world's my way

**Author's Note:**

> the sharing a bed trope is the only thing keeping serotonin production in my head, so plz enjoy （´∀｀）ノ♡

“I think you’re being a little ridiculous.”

“I am not being ridiculous. If anything, I think I’m being over-cautious; but even that is a stretch.”

“I bet you’re secretly one of those doomsday preppers, who has a titanium panic room with a years worth of food and an armory hidden in their basement.”

“I don’t have a basement.”

“In your closet, then. Or behind a bookshelf. I _know_ you have those.”

“We are going into the mountains. With steep hills and rough terrain and a ton of potential areas to get into an accident. It is helpful to have a car with four-wheel drive.”

“ _Helpful_ , not necessary. Your fancy, new, four-wheel drive car does not negate the possibility of us getting into an accident.”

“I does mean that if we do get into an accident, we’ll be more likely to come out unharmed than if we crashed with your death-trap ,of what charitably would be considered, a Tonka Truck. I’d honestly be shocked to find out your car had two-wheel drive at this point, Rey.”

Rey snaps her head towards him, mouth agape in shock and rage.

“My AT-AT is in perfect condition for it’s age, thank you very much.” She crosses her arms and turns her head to stare out the passenger side window, hoping Ben could feel her contempt through her body language.

“For day-to-day life, in a relatively flat city; absolutely. For traversing unfamiliar territory, maybe not,” Ben shrugged. Rey wished she could loathe him for his effortless coolness, but he was Ben. Best friend, always answers her text, brings her food whenever she asks him, lets her use his fancy washer and dryer, changes her air filters without asking, picks up her drink tab more often than not, Ben.

Also, it’s hard to hate someone when it’s July, and their air conditioner is in perfect working condition, and her’s is… not. Instead, Rey just sits there, giving Ben the silent treatment.

After a terse five minutes of driving, Rey hears Ben sigh and signal to turn. When Rey looks over to see where he’s turning, she sees her favorite restaurant of all time; McDonalds.

She looks over at him, seeing the sheepish expression and knows one thing for sure.

No, Rey definitely can’t hate Ben.

* * *

It’s nearing eleven when Rey and Ben finally make it to the cabin with all their friends. After hours of winding roads and steep cliffs, both Ben and Rey are overcome with delight when they see the first sign of civilization in the form of their friends cars.

Though she would never admit it, Rey was very thankful that Ben insisted on driving them. Atty could not have made it on at least four of those inclines and she’s not sure how Ben knew it would come to that, but that’s a discussion for another time. Preferably when they haven’t been driving for six hours, with only McDonalds to sustain them for the majority of the way. They’re both essentially dead on their feet when they arrive to a drunken chorus of ‘ _Oh, he’s a jolly good fellow_.’

“There you two are! I’ve been worried sick about you for the last three hours! Why haven’t you responded to any of my text?” Hux’s nasally voice shouted at her and Ben as soon as they exited the car.

“Good to see you, too, Armie,” Ben shouts over his shoulder. Hux looks like he’s about to kill Ben (he’s always been such an angry drunk) when his fiancée comes stumbling over, pushing all four of them into a group hug.

“Ugh I was so worried about you guys. Couldn’t stop picturing your car driving right off a cliff and the bears finding you and flinging your corpses all over the forrest. Would’ve miss you guys at the wedding.” Poe’s drunken ramblings always made for a good story time the next day, but Rey was pretty sure this one would be skipped.

“Aw, Poe. You really underestimate Ben’s driving skills. He only ran over, like, four squirrels!” Rey teased, pulling Poe’s arms off them. Ben shot her a nasty look, but Rey just smiled back at him.

“Well regardless, I’m glad you’re here. In one piece. Well, two pieces. Two complete pieces.” Hux’s face contorts in confusion as he tries to figure out what he’s trying to say. Rey just laughs and goes to help Ben grab their luggage from the trunk.

Ben has two suit cases that Rey is sure are packed pristinely and contain everything he could possibly need for the upcoming week, whereas Rey has her largest duffle bag (that doesn’t contain any holes), with clothes toiletries haphazardly stuffed in there.

“Okay, so since you guys got here last, I’ll warn you that you get the last pick of rooms. But, like, don’t worry. Your room is super nice… for a basement. But it has it’s own ensuite, which is like super nice,” Poe slurs.

“ _Room_? Singular?” Ben asks as they follow Poe and hue into the cabin.

“The cabin only has six rooms, Benjamin. Something you’d be aware of if you’d gotten here sooner.” Rey can’t see Ben’s expression behind her, but she just _knows_ he’s rolling his eyes at Hux.

“It’s got bunk beds! How fuckin awesome is that! Babe, we should’ve taken the bunk bend room. Do you think we should trade?” Poe’s face lights up until he sees the look of disgust Hux has.

“We have the master suite darling, We are _not_ trading.”

Ben _hurmps_ behind her and Rey has to keep herself from laughing. The cabin itself is beautiful. Large open living room that leads into the kitchen. Floor to ceiling windows the look over the mountain its perched on. The warmth of the fire can be felt all around, giving the cabin such a homey feel.Part of her wishes she’d worn flannel, just to feel like she fit it her surroundings. But the late-July heat of Chandrila would have been unbearable.

Rey saunters on, following an unsteady Hux and Poe down a doorway beneath the stair case. It’s tight and winding and Rey has to resist the urge to turn around and see the undoubtably cramped Ben. She would probably laugh too hard, loose her footing and send them all plummeting down the stairs to their deaths. Not the best way to start the bachelor weekend.

When they make it through another doorway, a small room, containing the pre-assured bunk bed and a small dresser with a TV out of the 1950s’ on top, Rey began feeling the annoyance she’s sure Ben was.

“Okay so, this is the room and that door is the bathroom and… behind us are the stairs. The kitchen is upstairs too. SO are the rest of the rooms. Well, ours is on the second floor. Or the third?” Poe turns to Hux, who is already going back up the stairs, tossing a ‘goodnight’ over his shoulder. Poe follows him up, leaving Ben and Rey in the room alone.

“It’s… quaint.”

“It’s a shoebox,” Ben huffs, setting down his luggage.

“I kind of like it. It’ll be like summer camp!” Rey wants to stay optimistic, knowing that spending the next six days in here will be better if she has a partner that’s not so broody. Like Ben is prone to be. Like he absolutely will be unless Rey wears him down.

“We should see if someone is willing to change rooms-”

“Benjamin Solo, we will not be changing rooms with anybody tonight. They are all drunk. Like, three-dollar-margs-at-Maz’s drunk. If we use our sobriety to con some unsuspecting friend out of their room, we will not hear the end of it. And I, for one, don’t want to start the week off on the wrong foot.” Rey crosses her arm, hopefully showing a steely and firm demeanor. Not that her 5’7 stature is much against his 6’3 sasquatch-ness, but she tries.

Ben hangs his head and she knows she’s won. “Fine, we’ll barter in the morning.”

“Fine. As a gift to you, _I_ will even take the top bunk so that you don’t hit your head on the ceiling. Ya know, with your freakishly tall body, and all,” Rey says. She doesn’t mention that it’s been her life goal to be able to have the top bunk on a bunk bed. One she’s sure she should have outgrown, but clearly hasn't.

“How generous of you,” Ben says, like he _knows_. He turns around and walks into the bathroom, probably going to inspect just how much it doesn’t meet his standards. Rey decided so survey her territory and begins climbingthe ladder onto her bunk.

By the time she makes it to the top of the ladder it is clear that something is missing. Something essential to a bed. Something that makes her second guess using her power of lucidness to take one of her friends room. Something that makes her cringe as she calls out for Ben.

“Yeah?” He asks sticking his head out of the bathroom.

“The top bunk is missing something.”

“What?”

“Something very important.”

“Rey.”

“A mattress.”

Rey makes it a habit to never let Ben frown. Mostly because he’s her best friend and she’s heard frowning can induce early-onset wrinkles and a whole slew of other reasons that she’s unwilling to admit to herself. But she knows there isn’t much she can do to stop it now.

“That’s it; I’m going to Poe. We shouldn’t be punished for being the last ones here. _This_ is ridiculous-” Ben goes to march up the stairs, but Rey flings herself in front of him, putting her hands on his chest to stop him.

“It is not that big of a deal. I’ll just… make a pallet on the floor. It’s really no trouble.”

“Rey, you shouldn’t have to-”

“It’ll be just like old times! I used to do this all the time when I was a kid. Honestly, I’ll be okay.” Ben goes rigid at her words. Rey thinks he might be the only other person in the world who resents how she grew up as much as she does. This is also something Rey is unwilling to admit to herself as to why.

She feels him take a deep breath, chest rising and falling beneath her hands.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can just… share,” Ben says, making Rey smile.

“Really? You don’t mind?” She implores. He shrugs, remaining indifferent.

“You don’t snore… too badly.” Rey playfully swats his chest and Ben just laughs down at her.

Rey is relieved by this. It makes her think this will be fine. That it’ll be no big deal. That sharing a bed with her unearthly beautiful and kind best friend who is built like a brick shit-house and cares about her probably more than she cares about herself will be absolutely, totally, completely fine.

She hopes.


	2. relieves the weary laborer and heals hurt minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Maybe the A/C wasn’t as useful down in the dungeon as the rest of the house. Maybe the flannel bed sheets were a little much. Maybe she was actually back in Jakku and the last eight years had all been a fever dream._
> 
> _Or her best friend/bed buddy was a cuddler. A Big Time Cuddler. ___
> 
> __-_ _
> 
> __Rey and Ben's sleeping arrangements lead to some interesting mornings. And even more interesting nights._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this while watching TRoS and as soon as started the ~fun~ part, Ben and Han had their moment and i felt like i was debauching him in front of his dad. i've probs done worse tho, so, enjoy!

Chandrila is notoriously hot, or so the online articles Rey skimmed said it was. She felt confident that her upbringing in a desert would be sufficient preparation for the oncoming heat. Something that Coruscant blessedly didn’t endure too long of. Rey knew that suckers like Hux and Kaydel would have a hard time adjusting, but would eventually realize the benefits of said heat. (Well… Kaydel would.)

When booking the trip, Poe had assured the group that the cabin they would be staying had a well function air conditioning that his fiancé insisted upon. Rey may not have been the closest with Hux, but she knew enough of him to know he wouldn’t have spent money on a place without everything being up to his standards.

So when Rey woke up Monday morning in, what felt like, a blistering inferno, she was a little shocked. Maybe the A/C wasn’t as useful down in the dungeon as the rest of the house. Maybe the flannel bed sheets were a little much. Maybe she was actually back in Jakku and the last eight years had all been a fever dream.

Or her best friend/bed buddy was a cuddler. A Big Time Cuddler.

Ben’s arms were holding onto Rey, encasing her torso and clutching her to him. His tree-trunk legs were tangled with hers, one shoved between her legs making her core rest on his thigh. Ben’s face was resting against the back of her head so that she could feel his warm breath on the top of her neck. His chest rose and fell in time with his breath and Rey couldn’t help but marvel at the solidity against her, at how different it felt beneath her back than it had under her hands.

When she realizes the source of the heat, Rey suddenly doesn’t mind it so much. It becomes a comfort, like wrapping up in your favorite blanket when its fresh out of the dryer. She can’t help but think of the winter, when she’s cold and buried under blankets that still provide no heat, and how nice it would feel if Ben was there. Solid and warm and _wonderful_. How she could just turn around and nuzzle into his embrace and press her lips to-

And then Rey _really_ wakes up.

She slowly extracts herself from his embrace, moving gently so as not to disturb her sleeping giant. She ignores the painful stab in her gut, willing herself to not feel as if moving from his arms was like cutting off a limb. Trying not to think thoughts that are decidedly un-best friendly.

Rey makes it out of the bed and into the bathroom, checking behind her to make sure Ben is still sound asleep as she shuts the door. Part of her wants to take a cold shower, blame it on the July heat, but Ben would know. He always just _knows_.

She resigns herself to splashing cold water on her face and brushing her teeth. The sound of footsteps above her tell her that her other friends are up and already starting with the festivities.

That’s why she’s here. To celebrate her friends upcoming nuptials. Not to sleeping the same bed as Ben. Its just an (un)fortunate side effect.

Rey adjust her sleep shirt and shorts before creeping out the bathroom and up the stair, leaving Ben still sleeping in their bunk. When she reaches the top of the stairs, she’s greeted with a platinum-blonde blur quickly setting up what looks like a mimosa table.

“Oh, Phasma. I didn’t know you were staying here,” Rey says, hoping to catch her attention. Phasma pays her no mind as she responds, not breaking for a moment.

“I’m not. I rented a cabin down the hill for myself.” How very Phasma of Phasma. “Armitage wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I didn’t show, and this cabin is like one giant splinter waiting to stab itself into an unsuspecting guest. My place is a bit more… modern.”

While Rey and Phasma weren’t the best of friends, Rey found comfort in Phasma’s unyielding ability to be herself. She admired her really, and told her so at more than one social engagements. It’s always met with a slight huff and an excuse to go refill her drink, but Rey knows that it makes Phasma like here. Well, maybe not like, but just not hold her in complete contempt.

“That’s… very wise of you,” Rey says. The little noise of acceptance and slight nod is as close as Phasma will ever get to smiling, so, Rey will take it. “Is that a mimosa bar?” Rey asks.

“And Bloody Mary bar. I wanted to give some options for the bachelors,” Phasma explained.

“Any breakfast?” Rey asks, hopeful. Phasma sends her a sharp look.

“Yes; Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s.”

“Ah.” Rey tries not to look disappointed. She had hoped of waking up to a large stack of waffles drenched in locally sourced syrup, but that wasn’t really Phasma’s style.

To be fair, there were many things Rey expected to be different that what she actually woke up to, but that was neither here nor there.

Rey hears the squeak of the door hinges behind her, and snaps her head around to see a disheveled Ben appearing from the stairwell. His hair was a perfectly tousled mess and she longed to run her hands through it. Maybe even kiss the sleepiness out of his lips.

“Gwen,” Ben says to acknowledge Phasma. Her eyes flit over Ben and Rey, and if she notices that they came from the same place, she keeps it to herself.

“Benjamin, why aren’t you wearing the pajamas I got you for your 30th birthday?” Phasma asks, not once breaking stride in setting up the table.

“I brought them. I just didn’t have the energy to change into a pantsuit last night.” Ben moves into the kitchen, brushing past Rey to get there. His hands gently bumps her arm, right where it was draped over, just a few minutes ago. “I’m assuming you want pancakes?” He shouts back and Rey knows its meant for her. She’s pretty sure Phasma doesn’t eat solid foods that don’t come from a restaurant Rey would have to save for a month to afford.

“Or waffles?” She asks, once again hopeful.

“No waffle maker.”

“Pancakes are fine.” She hopes she doesn’t sound ungrateful. She wants to point out that Ben hasn’t looked for a waffle maker so he can’t possibly know that there isn’t one, but Rey has learned not to bite the hand that feeds her.

Literally.

-

An hour later, the rest of the house has woken up and wandered down to the kitchen. They’ve already gone through two bottles of champaign, ( _‘Chump change!’_ Poe had shouted when he woke up and demanded another bottle be popped.) and questions of what to do were being tossed around.

“I have a loosely structured agenda that we should all follow for this week,” Hux announces at the table, causing everyone to look at him in confusion.

“Loosely-structured?” Ben repeats.

“In an effort to be more… _chill_ ,” Hux abandons his glare at Ben to nod towards Poe, “I’ve decided to allow for a more clandestine trip. While I have ideas on how each minute should be spent, I’ve learned that doesn’t make for the most delightful of guest.”

“Sooooo, Armie has decided to let us collectively choose what we do for the day. Isn’t that so nice of him?” Poe pointedly looks at the rest of the table. Murmurs in agreement flutter around.

“Except for Wednesday,” Hux pipes up. “We’re scheduled to got to one of those tree-top jungle gym things. They have a zip line.” This earns some more enthusiastic hoots from the group. “For today I figured we could just enjoy the lake at the bottom of the hill. We have a private path to get down there.”

The only time Rey could recall her friends moving as quickly as they did on hearing the word ‘lake’ is when Maz first announced her Three-Dollar-Margarita special. Within moments, Finn, Rose, Kaydel, Jannah had all vanished from the table, no doubt putting on their swim suits. Zorii sat beside Rey, giving a yawn that would rival a bears.

“I’m gonna go sleep for a few hours. I’ll come down later.” She saunters up, heading back up the stairs.

“Too old to be hanging out with the cool kids, Zor?” Poe calls after her.

“Nah. Someones gotta stay sober long enough to make sure you fools don’t get eaten by Freddy Krueger.” The eyerolls are unanimous as she leaves the room.

Ben and Rey leave the table to go change as well, ignoring the following gaze of Phasma as they go down the stairwell. Poe and Hux are too caught up in each other to say anything to them.

“So… last night was fine?” Rey says once they reached the room. Ben gives her a confused glance.

“You sound unsure.”

“It was fine, really. I don’t think we need to worry about disrupting the sleeping arrangements of everyone else. Since it was, ya know, fine. Unless you feel differently?” Rey is suddenly very aware that while she okay with their arrangement, Ben could potentially not be. Even if he doesn’t know how she woke up.

“No, no, no, it’s fine with me. Too. It’s fine.” Ben rushes out. Rey is sure her relief is present on her face, but Ben still looks a bit distraught.

“It’s okay to ask for things you want, Rey. No one will get mad if you say you want your own bed,” His voice is soft and something inside of Rey clenches. Ben is always the considerate one, even if his hard exterior begs to differ.

“Ben, truly, _it’s fine_. If I had a problem, I’d tell you. Trust me,” Rey assures. Ben doesn’t look quite convinced, but he lets it go.

-

A cool splash of water droplets on her face is what wakes Rey later that day. The pile of beach towels under her rub harshly against her skin as she turns over and comes to. Finn and Rose have jumped back in the lake, splashing around and looking every bit the love dazed couple they would both deny they were.

Hux and Poe wandered off to the hot tub before Rey’s little cat-nap, and she’s sure they were both enjoying post-coital bliss right about now. Zorii, Kaydel, and Jannah were laid out on the dock, soaking up the sun, exactly where Rey assumed they’d be for the duration of this trip. Ben and Phasma were seated beside her, under a little alcove at the beginning of the dock, both reading books with titles that included words Rey had never heard. She was pretty sure Phasma’s was in Greek.

“Enjoy your nap?” Phasma asked, without looking up from her book. Rey just hummed in the affirmative and stretched her now tight limbs. Her bikini did little in the way of covering skin, so she was especially glad Ben brought the highest uvf-protection sunscreen sold. She was less than glad that she only went with one coat instead of three, like Ben warned.

“How long was I out?” She asked, voice groggy.

“About and hour and a half. You missed lunch,” Ben told her. Rey gasped in horror at herself. Her body was usually so good at telling her when it was meal time. To be fair, her body did think all times were meal times.

“Benjamin saved you a sandwich, though. So, not to worry,” Phasma’s voice was cool, but Rey could detect a hint of teasing. She decided not to press it and look for her sandwich instead.

-

“Just one more movie, you guys. Please! How can you watch Legally Blonde without also watching Legally Blonde 2. It’s… sacrilegious.” Rey’s protest fell onto deaf ears as the last remaining of her friends wandered off to bed. Jannah and Zorii mumbled their goodnights to her, Jannah even giving Rey’s head a good-natured pat, before leaving her alone in the living room.

So she sat there, alone, black screen in front of her, looking out to the mountain side of the cabin, willing herself to be tired. Rey would’ve tried harder to stay awake earlier if she’d known that a little nap would cause her to feel this keyed up this late.

Rey does have a surefire way of exhausting herself enough to knock out for a few good hours, but that way is usually done in a bed by herself. Not in a bed occupied by her best friend who she woke up tangled with.

Rey decides sitting up her by herself would probably cause her friends to question her, so she makes her way down the stairs and to her room. Well, their room. The TV that looks like it came straight from the set of _I Love Lucy,_ is on, filling the room with some static noise. Ben is snoring lightly, body inclined like he was watching the static before passing out. Rey snaps a quick pic of the scene, only to immediately delete it.

Rey shuts off the television, prompting Ben to wake with a start.

“Rey?” He asks, voice deep like he’s still asleep.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t. I was awake the whole time.”

“Sure, Ben.” She’s fairly certain he can’t see her eye roll in the darkness, but he can defiantly hear her snort. She sees the outline of him move over, giving her space to crawl into bed.

_It’s not awkward_ , Rey tells herself, _You did this last night and it was absolutely fine_.

“What did you end up watching after I left?” He asks. She wonders why he’s making conversation even though he could very much just fall back asleep, but doesn’t question it. It’s nice in a very domestic sort of way that makes Rey shake her head.

“Only Legally Blonde.”

“Not the second one, too?”

“No, only because our friends are quitters who tap out too soon.”

Ben’s chuckle reverberates across the bed and it tickles her body.

Minutes pass and Rey tries to inconspicuously turn multiple times, trying to find a more comfortable position before Ben says anything.

“Rey.” It’s a warning, but with no venom.

Minutes later, after less inconspicuous tossing and turning: “Are you okay?”

“I’m not tired! I’m trying to be tired but my nap earlier fucked up my sleeping schedule and now I’m not tired.” Her voice is whiney, even to her own ears.

“Just do whatever you normally do when you can’t sleep,” Ben suggest, making her scoff.

“ _I can’t_.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t.”

“What could you possibly do that so bad you can’t do it here, with-”

“I masturbate!”

The air around them goes deathly silent and Rey is pretty sure Ben is holding his breath.

“When I can’t sleep, I masturbate, and I’m fairly certain that you wouldn’t appreciate me doing that in a room the size of a phone booth. So if you’ll please-”

“I don’t mind.”

Rey holds her breath now and is tempted to ask him to repeat himself, even though she knows she heard him correctly the first time.

“I wouldn’t mind if you masturbate, that is.” Ben repeats himself anyways.

“I don’t-that is, um. I wouldn’t want- it would be inconsiderate of me, I think,” She says, searching for the right words and coming up empty. “For me, to do _that_ , next to you would be… wrong.”

“I honestly don’t mind,” Ben says, with a forced casualness that makes her feel bad for even telling him.

“I’d feel like I assaulted you, or something. Forcing you to be in the same bed as me while I get off.”

“You wouldn’t be forcing me to do anything.” Rey is tempted to just roll over and pretend to be asleep when he speaks again. “If it made you feel better… I could do it too. If you didn’t mind.”

It’s like all the air has been sucked out of her lungs. Her mouth is open, looking for literally any words to come to her. Literally anything.

All that comes is ‘ _Bend and Snap_!’ Not quite fitting for the situation.

“Just forget I even-”

“Okay.”

Rey is surprised by her own voice. If Ben could see her expression, he’d see utter shock at herself.

“You sure?” His voice is so low she almost doesn’t hear it.

“I’m sure.”

Neither of them make the first move. Both deathly still, waiting for the other one to crack. I got us into this mess, Rey thinks, might as well move forward.

She pushes the blanket down past her hips, giving her easy access to slip past her sleep short and elastic of her underwear. She moves her hand slowly, trying not to seem over eager. She feels the bed shift slightly as Ben pushes down his boxer shorts.

It takes every ounce of self control Rey has ever had, not to let her gaze linger over to him. She promises herself that she’ll only eat McDonalds for a week if she doesn’t. She’ll actually wash all of her sheets instead of just her fitted sheet and pillow cases. She fix the shelf above the sink. She’ll do it all as long as she doesn’t look over to see what is probably a gorgeous cock that would make her mouth water.

Rey’s fingers go to circle her clit, trying to distract herself from what’s happening inches away from her. When she dips below, touching the folds of her pussy, she finds she _drenched_. She prays it’s from anticipation and not the wet glide of skin she’s starting to hear.

She doesn’t mean to, but when she hears Ben’s pace pick up, she matches it. Her hips twitch slightly begging for more friction. She tries to subtly buck into her hands without the bed shaking too much.

A deep, guttural groan escapes from Ben and the wet slapping of skin quickens even further. Rey can’t help the little sighs and moans that escape her lips. Her body can only handle so much and not being able to look at him is taking a lot of effort. _Too much_ effort.

She’s bucking helplessly into her hand, two fingers deep in her cunt and one rubbing her clit. Her head is tossed back, her feet try to find purchase on the bed, her back is arched to the point of pain. All of this does nothing to distract her from the glorious noises Ben is making.

His huffs, his pants; it’s like a drug to her. She really can’t be blamed if she starts picturing Ben above her, instead of next to her. Ben’s fingers pushed tight into her fore instead of her own. Ben’s hand clutching at her nipples for dear life.

Its that thought, the one of Ben between her legs, body pressed into hers, that tosses her over the edge. If Ben just so happens to come simultaneously, that’s truly just a coincidence. Truly.

Ben is fucking his hand, bucking up in time with Rey, until her whole body stills. He groans, helplessly, one last time, cursing as he meets his peak. Rey’s vision whites out as she feels ecstasy flow through her. A fresh gush of liquid coats her hand as her fingers still within her.

When she hears Ben’s heavy breathing resume, she knows he’s coming down from the high too. She feels her resolve to not look at him there, crumble, so she shuts her eyes and focuses on catching her breath.

Pulling her hand out of her underwear makes her wince and Rey is overcome with the question as to what to do now.

“I’ll get a towel!” Her voice is too loud after such a silence, and she quickly leaves the bed for the bathroom. When she finds the light switch, some inescapable force makes her look over at Ben.

He’s bathed in the partial light of the bathroom, sitting up further. He was able to put himself back into his boxers, so the only remnants of what they’d done lie in the white fluid coating his hand. Rey gulps and disappears into the bathroom.

-

When she exits, after washing her hands twice and gulping down cold water, Ben is shrugging a new shirt on, and she catches the hard plains of his abdominal muscles. Her mouth goes dry again.

“I got you a towel,” She says bluntly, extending him a washcloth she’d found beneath the sink. She doesn’t mention it’s what she used to clean herself, but she’d honestly not thought of it until the words were out of her mouth.

“Ugh, that’s okay. I’ll just… wash my hands.” Ben brushes past her towards the bathroom and Rey goes to sit on her side of the bed. She focuses on breathing for a few minutes until she hears the door open. Even in just a silhouette, Ben looks beautiful.

“Are you okay?” He asks. Rey nods a bit too eagerly.

“I’m good, yeah. Better. I’ll be able to sleep now.”

“Good, good.”

“You?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll be able to sleep now, too.”

“You weren’t the one who couldn’t fall asleep.”

“I’ll sleep better now.”

Rey snorts her laughter, making him smile softly.

When they’re both settled on their respective sides, Rey speaks again. “Thank you, by the way. I know that could be… uncomfortable for others. So, thank you.”

“Of course, Rey. I’ll always help you, no matter what it is. You’re my best friend.”

It’s the only time he’s called her his best friend and her heart didn’t fill with joy. If anything, it stings.

“Yeah, you’re mine too, Ben.”

Minutes later, Rey falls into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi on tumblr!](https://ehstarwar.tumblr.com)


	3. strike those who wish them best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just… in a funk.” That’s a good way to phrase it._
> 
> _‘I mutually masturbated with my best friend and now all I can think of is how much he means to me and how much I want him to fuck me into the mattress for the rest of time. This is causing a personal turmoil that is manifesting in me being rude to everyone who cares about me, including said best friend who will probably never talk to me again when we get back from this trip’, seems too on the nose._
> 
> -
> 
> Rey deals with the aftermath of her exploits with Ben in a very healthy, mature manner. (She throws a temper tantrum)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy easter, plz enjoy this basket of sin ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Rey wakes up to cool sheets and the light filtering in from the small window across from the bed. A stark contrast to yesterday morning when she’d woken up in Ben’s embrace. She tries not to feel disappointed by it. Rey turns over, staring at the top bunk, replaying the events of last night in her head.

  
She’d had masturbated, not a wholly unusual event by itself, but with _Ben_. With her best friend, who she’s known for years. The same best friend she will be spending the next four days with. In this same bed. Where they’d masturbated. Together.

She wishes she was more experienced sexually; maybe then this wouldn’t have been a big deal then. Maybe she would’ve been able to wake up and go have breakfast and celebrate her friends and not even spared the whole endeavor a second thought. Maybe she wouldn’t be dying to know how Ben felt about this.

The image of him, body crouched on the bed, hand covered in his come, was seared into her brain; a tattoo she didn’t know she’d be getting. She’d never seen such a dark look in Ben’s eyes. It terrified her as much as it aroused her. When the tell-tale licks of heat start in her core, Rey knows its time to get up before her brain goes down a path that leaves her aching all day.

* * *

Rey doesn’t see Ben at breakfast. Rose tells her that he went for a run with Phasma before she woke up and it makes something red-hot take over her vision for a minute. Just because Phasma is a tall, grecian, etherial beauty that can only be rivaled by Aphrodite herself, doesn’t mean anything. And even if it did mean anything, Ben isn’t Rey’s to worry about.

Also, Rey is pretty sure Phasma transcends sexuality all together, so she’s crazy to be worried about her and Ben.

Rey is still a grouch for the rest of the morning, just in case.

It’s nearly noon before Ben gets back, sweaty and ripe and literally glowing, and Rey has to take a minute for herself so that she doesn’t rip her hair out.

“Damn, Solo! Is that what you’re hiding under all those sweaters?” Jannah makes a show of wiggling her eyebrows at Ben and that same red-hot feeling returns with a vengeance. The tips of Ben’s ears turn red and he stutters something bashful under his breath.

“Jannah are you going to come with us to the supermarket or not?” Rey asks. Well, asks would be a nice way to put it. Snapping with venom of a viper would be a more accurate description.

“Ugh…” Jannah says, looking at Rey like a deer in headlights, “I think I’ll pass on this one.”

“Okay!” Rey realizes she may have been too harsh, so she tries to make up for it by being overly cheerful. It just makes her look insane. “I’m going to go grab my shoes,” She shouts to Poe as she descends the stairs to her room.

By the time she’s able to locate the canvas Keds that have _definitely_ seen better days, Ben is standing in the doorway.

“How was your run?” She asks as she tugs her shoes on with much more force than necessary.

“Good… its hot as fuck out there, though. I’ll probably need an ice bath just to cool off.” _Me and you both, mister_.

“Well, good luck with that!” Rey’s high-pitched voice sings out. She goes to walk past him and up the stairs. Ben’s hand catches her arm right as she’s about to pass him and her heart stops.

“Rey, is everything alright?” His voice is full of concern and it makes Rey want to die a little.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” Ben gives her a look that _really_ makes her want to die.

“I didn’t want anything to be awkward after last night, so-”

“Honestly, nothing is awkward. Whatever you think in awkward is probably in your own head because I don’t feel it. So don’t worry so much.”

Ben’s face falls as he releases her arm. For a moment, Rey is tempted to come clean with him; tell him that last night woke something in her that had long been forming and now the reality of it is crushing her and just being in the same room as him is almost too much. But she doesn’t. She calls out her goodbye as she walks up the stairs and tries to focus on literally anything besides his hurt expression when he let her go.

* * *

“Should we go with the corn tortillas or the flour ones?” Poe asks.

“Corn. It will be more authentic that way.” Hux replies.

Rey pushes the buggy as Poe, Rose, and Finn load it up with sugary junk that Hux promptly returns to the shelf. Her sour mood is palpable and the rest of her friend had chosen to steer clear of her for the time being.

Rey hates this. She hates feeling this way, she hates making this trip anything less than the magnificent occasion Hux and Poe anticipated, she hates herself for not being able to just get over it. It would be so easy if she could just hate Ben, blame this all on him, but she _can’t._ It’s not his fault, just hers.

“Oh, what about this, babe?” Poe say, holding up a giant bag of marshmallows that would make you dislocate your jaw to be able to stuff in your face. “It’ll be good for the bonfire tomorrow.”

Hux grumbles something about ‘ _glucose_ ’ and ‘ _diabetic coma_ ’, but tosses a bag in the buggy anyways. Sometimes it was so easy to see why Hux and Ben were friends.

“If you see anything you want, just toss it in, Rey. We still have a long time at the cabin and I know how you like your six meals each day,” Poe tells her. For the first time in her relatively short life, she doesn’t get the thrill of a supermarket stuffed with food that she could potentially have. She remembers the first time she walked into an actual grocery store, with fresh vegetables and a whole bakery, instead of just a gas station on a corner.

If eight year old could see Rey now, grumpy and quiet, not shoving her arms full of any food she could find, she’d hate herself. Twenty-five year old Rey kind of does too.

“I’m good. I’m sure you all will get enough.”

Three set of eyes turn back to stare at her, like she just spoke in pig latin. Hux just keeps wandering down the frozen food section.

“Peanut, are you okay? You’ve been a little… off today.” Rose asks, voice full concern.

“She means that you’ve been a heinous bitch,” Finn clarifies, making Rose slap his chest. Rey just rolls her eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just… in a funk.” That’s a good way to phrase it. ‘ _I mutually masturbated with my best friend and now all I can think of is how much he means to me and how much I want him to fuck me into the mattress for the rest of time. This is causing a personal turmoil that is manifesting in me being rude to everyone who cares about me, including said best friend who will probably never talk to me again when we get back from this trip_ ’, seems too on the nose.

“Is it because of Ben? Do you not want to room with him any more?” Poe asks. Rey ignores the sharp flash of a glare Hue sends her way.

“No, that’s not it at all. It’s just… Ben is my best friend.” Finn clears his throat. “Sorry, _one of_ my best friends,” Rey rectifies. “But sometimes I feel like I don’t know where we stand. Like if I annoy him too much, he’d never say. He’s just so damn thoughtful. It’s infuriating when I’m trying to figure out if I did something wrong.”

Her friends share a sheepish look before Rose speaks up again. “Have you tried talking about it with Ben?”

Rey scoffs. “If I told him that, _he’d_ apologize to _me_ and I’d feel even worse.”

“Did something happen?” Poe asks.

“No!” Rey shouts, a little too quickly, “Just tight quarters, and all…”

“You’re always welcome to come stay in my room if you need some space!” Rose pipes up, earning a wide-eyed look from Finn. Rey wants to say that if the two of them just fessed up and admitted they were together, they could’ve stayed in the same room and Rey would have been able to have her own room and she wouldn’t be in this mess at all.

But there are levels of bitchyness that even Rey won’t stoop to.

In order to distract her friends from the inner crisis that was threatening to break loose, Rey throws a four-pack of instant mac & cheese in the buggy. They look placated enough to go back to grocery hauling.

(The mac & cheese is _entirely_ for their benefit and not because it has Rey’s favorite Galaxy Battles character on it.)

* * *

Those who stayed behind are down by the lake, so Finn and Rose make a bee line for it while Rey, Poe, and Hux unload the groceries. The banter between Hux and Poe is cute in a way that reminds her of old grandparents, who’ve been together for over 50 years and argue about the smallest thing, but love each other more than words.

They’re in a verbal spar about where to put the produce in the fridge when Ben comes in. He’d actually changed into his swim trunks today, the black ones his mother had bought him specifically for this trip. He’s shirtless, water droplets running down his chest, and hair slicked back, glossy and starting to curl.

Rey bites her lip so hard she taste the metallic rush of blood in her mouth.

“You know we’re only staying here for another four days. You bought enough food to feed a small country,” Ben remarks, taking stock of the multitude of bags ( _paper, Hux insisted_ ) lining the kitchen.

“We’re having tacos for dinner! It requires a lot of ingredients, Benji,” Poe says without looking up. Ben comes to stand by Rey, helping her unpack all of the bags.

“How’s the lake?” She asks, wanting to keep the conversation from returning to questions of her bad mood from earlier.

“It’s hot enough that the lake feels like bath water.”

“Mmm. That’s my favorite. Anything else is too cold.”

“Makes sense, for a desert rat.” She looks up to see ben smirking at her, playful glint in his eyes. Rey rolls her eyes, and bumps him with her hip.

“What? Can’t take the heat, city-slicker?” She taunts to him. Ben just plucks the can of refried beans out of her hands and places it on the top shelf, one she can’t get to without a ladder or freakishly tall legs.

She realizes that this playfulness means that they’re back to normal, and Rey feels her heart swell with relief.

* * *

The four of them make sandwiches for everyone down by the lake, and Rey and Ben are charged with bringing it down while Hux and Poe find bowls for chips. Rey doesn’t mention that it’s probably best that they stay in the bag, knowing its a sorry excuse for some alone time. It _is_ their bachelor weekend, after all.

They’re halfway down the path, a comfortable silence over them when Ben finally speaks up.

“You seem to be in a better mood than earlier.”

She shrugs.

“I got Galaxy Battles mac & cheese for 30% off, so it's kind of hard to have a bad day after that.” Ben hums quietly.

“I just wanted to make sure we’re cool. You sort of brushed me off earlier.” The guilt that had repressed itself resurfaced and Rey thinks about running away from this conversation.

“Sorry about that. It’s nothing, really. I’m better now, I promise,” She looks back over to him with a 1000-watt smile, hoping to appease Ben. His expression softens when he sees her, making Rey almost miss a step.

“Good. I don’t want anything to come between us.” His voice is strong and Rey is tempted to ask how he feels. She thinks better of it for a moment, knowing that prolonging this will just end badly.

“Me too, Ben.” It’s the first time all day she hasn’t had to lie. It makes her heart a little lighter.

* * *

The rest of the day had gone by unceremoniously. Rey had apologized to Jannah (who was confused, but let it go when Rey brought her a white claw), spent the better part of the afternoon at the lake, and feasted on some delicious tacos for dinner. (The tacos were delicious because Ben took over once Poe burned his hand and Hux had threatened to call the national guard to come look at his wound).

Everything would have been perfectly fine if Ben didn’t look so fucking _good_. Like cover of GQ, built AF, gigantic manly-man but radiates softie vibes, good. Rey was _dying_. No human should be allowed to make taco consumption feel like a religious experience, but clearly no one told Ben that.

So now she’s in bed, with Ben, staring up in the darkness, holding onto the last shred of sanity that had the tenacity of dental floss.

If this was her own bed, Rey would be able to scream into her pillow in agony. She’d be able to toss and turn to her hearts content. She wouldn’t have even been in this problem in the first place.

But she’s not in her own bed. She is in a queen sized ( _maybe_ ) death contraption that was sent straight here from Satan himself. The frustration she felt all over (but particularly in her nether regions) was boiling over into hot tears pricking at her eyes. And she absolutely would not let herself cry.

Rey is an adult. She pays her rent on time (usually). She bypasses sugar-inundated treats for healthy, greener options (from time to time). She has a whole shelf in her bathroom dedicated to vitamins (and expired face masks). She will not cry out of sexual frustration.

If the tears leak out of the corners of her eyes without any resistance from her, that’s on _them_.

She turns to her side, away from Ben, to let the drops be absorbed by her pillow case, when she hears his breathing shift.

“Can’t sleep?” His voice is low, like he’s testing to see if she’s awake.

“Yeah. You?” She asks, muffling her voice in her pillow and hoping he can’t hear her involuntary sniffle. Which is, of course, no use.

“… Are you crying?”

“No.” Her voice betrays her and she feels ben scoot closer towards her.

“Rey.” The way he says her name makes a damn break inside of her.

“I can’t sleep and I’m crying about it like I’m some sort of petulant baby! It’s ridiculous! I have a job and insurance and and a bar cart for crying out loud, and I’m crying because I can’t sleep. What kind of adult am I? I mean, honestly Ben, how do you put up with me?”

She hears him chuckle before she feels his finger skim across her cheek, brushing away the fresh wave of tears that had fallen. She’s not sure if he could tell the way she chased his hand with her face when he moves it away.

“I choose to put up with you because I _want_ to. I don’t see it as an inconvenience,” He says. Rey doesn’t respond, just lays there soaking up the words that cause a rush of dopamine to flood her brain.

After a minute, Ben speaks up again. “Would it be helpful if you did the same thing as last night-“”

“ **No**. I… I’m… I don’t want to do that to you again.” _I want to do much, much worse things_.

“You act like it was a huge burden, like I don’t do it all the time,” Ben snorts. Images of Ben, casually lounging around his apartment, jerking off with no constraints, fill Rey’s head and it only makes the dull fire that’s been plaguing her all day grow even hotter.

“It’s just that… I’m so keyed up right now. Whenever I get like this, it’s harder to get off. If I try to get off now, I run the risk of being too wound up to let go and making it even _worse_.” Ben gives her a noise of understanding and they go back to laying in silence.

“I could help.”

Rey’s snaps towards him, meeting his milky brown eyes and realizing he’d been looking at her the whole time. She uses this to embolden herself and ask the next question.

“ _How_?”

“However you need.”

The offer hangs in the air, like the Sword of Damocles, threatening to fall and burst the bubble Rey feels she and Ben are in.

Her gaze flicks down his body,seeing where the blanket has shifted and his thigh is peaking out. She immediately rights herself, pulling her eyes back to his. But nothing gets past him, not even in the dead of night, when they’re illuminated only by the soft moonlight of their sole window.

Ben pulls the blanks down further, revealing his milky thighs, wrapped in muscle and dusted with dark hair. Rey gulps and feels her body positively _gush_.

“You don’t have to do this, Ben.” Her voice is a hushed whisper but feels like lightning in a silent storm.

“I know. I want to.”

Rey tentatively moves her hand to brush his thighs, just below where his boxer shorts began. She moves her whole body towards him, then, just as he spreads his leg further. Rey keeps her eyes on her hand on his thigh as she moves to push her leg over his.

Rey wants to kiss the feet of whatever Deity forced her to wear her babydoll nightgown and forego shorts all together.

The first brush of her covered cunt on his thigh sends a shock through her, making her shudder. Rey doesn’t dare look up at Ben, just keeps her eyes trained on where their bodies are now touching. She grips the underside of his thigh, pulling it up towards her so that her whole core is firmly resting on his tree-trunk thighs.

“Is this okay?” She asks, voice breathless and still refusing to look up.

“Yeah.” She feels less bad when she hears his voice is even more breathless than hers.

The first experimental rocking of her hips feels like sweet heaven. So she does it again. And Again. And again. She grinds into him softly, trying to not show how desperate she is to shove herself on him and piston her hips as fast as humanly possible. Her panties become uncomfortably wet from her ministrations and, without thinking, Rey shoves her hands between them to push her underwear to the side.

“Rey…” Ben’s voice chokes out. She can’t stop her rocking, even if she wanted to. But she asks him anyways.

“Is this okay?” He voice is a whine, high pitched and needy. Ben’s low mumble to the affirmative pushes her even further. She clutch him closer, feeling the way his ticklish hair rubs against her pussy lips. The warmth of his skin against her cunt. The tightening of muscles she feels beneath her.

Rey rolls her body further onto him, trying to get an even better angle for her clit to brush up against. She’s over half of him now, face buried in his shoulder. She can smell him so much better like this. The overwhelming scent of body wash and laundry detergent; the slight hint of musk between his arms is her favorite.

Her hand involuntary seeks purchase agains his chest, going to clutch his white shirt over his pec. Rey rocks harder and harder each time, letting out soft moans and squeaks when she catches her clit _just right_. 

Rey rides his thigh like a bull; bucking wildly, holding on for dear life. Her orgasm approaches and she slows her movements, wanting this to last as along as humanly possible. Maybe even for the rest of her life.

“Rey!” Ben cries out again and her head instantly shoots up to look at him. His hands are gripping the bottom of the bunk above them. He is flushed down to his neck, and has sweat gathering at the base of his neck. His black hair is plastered to his forehead. But the most haunting this is his _eyes_. They’re open, and staring down to where Rey’s cunt is forcefully pushing against his thigh.

He looks like he could _eat_ her.

Rey is coming before she knows it, unable to look away from Ben’s face. Her juices coat his leg as she still rocks agains him, slower now, but the slick sound of skin makes an obscene noise that makes him growl. She buries her face in his shoulder again, breathing heavy against him. Ben’s body is still underneath hers, knee up to keep Rey on him as she comes down from her high. When she calms down enough to reenter her body, she rolls off of him, wincing when she feels her sopping wet cunt pull off of his thigh.

Rey finally gets the courage to look back up at him, and finds his eyes closed, looking like he was controlling his breathing. His neck and face are still flushed and she resist the urge to brush his hair back to see the tips of his red ears.

She may had just ridden his thigh into oblivion, but casual touches of intimacy were too far to be risked.

Ben stands up with a start, hopping up and turning to look back down at Rey, who is now in a blob on the bed. He regards her for a minute, and she him. When the white streak of his come starts trailing down his leg, she realizes what going on.

“I’ll, uh… go clean up.” Ben says before turning to the bathroom. She catches another glimpse of his glistening thigh and another streak of come wandering down his leg. Rey is sure if she could move right now, she would be unable to stop herself from reaching out and licking it up.

Rey adjusts herself back on the bed, squarely on her side. She doesn’t care that she’s a wet, sticky mess between her legs. She doesn’t care her heart rate still hasn’t slowed down to a normal level. All she can think about his how good it feels to know she made him come.

She’s asleep before Ben exits the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi on tumblr!](https://ehstarwar.tumblr.com)


	4. the torture of the mind to lie in restless ecstasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You want to go first?” Ben asks her, moving out of the way._
> 
> _“Lets go together.”_
> 
> _“Okay,” Ben says. Rey wants to scream never mind and climb down right now, but Ben is holding a hand out to her before she has a chance to do anything._
> 
> _So, she takes his hand. ___
> 
> __-_ _
> 
> __The gang goes on a tree-top course that goes south, real fast. Also, Ben and Rey try to talk. (They get distracted easily though.)_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for reading! i've gotten more comments on my work in the past week than i have after YEARS of writing fanfic. so thank you to all the reylos. y'all the real mvps. (♥ω♥)

“Are you sure the line is strong enough to support me?”

“Are you over 500 pounds?”

“No. But, I mean, I had a big breakfast this morning. Like four eggs, _at least_.”

“Then it will support you just fine.”

Rey grinds her teeth at the exasperated worker, wishing he’d say something just a little more reassuring. She looks across the rickety bridge, seeing Rose and Finn get across with little hardship, just a few missteps here and there. Ben sailed across the bridge like there wasn’t at least of foot of space between each plank; like he wasn’t at least thirty feet off the ground; like it was nothing.

If it could hold Ben, then surly it could hold her.

Rey takes a tentative first step, holding onto her glider for dear life. Hoots and hollers below hercome from Poe and Jannah, but she tries to tune them out and focus ahead of her. Each step is more unstable than the last, and when she makes it more than half way there, she sprints ahead, just to get to the solid base at the next tree.

“Oh my gosh, Rey! How did you run? I can barely move my legs more than one plank a minute,” Rose says.

“Sheer force of will and a very good survival instinct. Being on solid wood is better than… not.” She looks at the next course and sees small pegs, almost the size of one foot, stretching across to the next base. A gasp escapes her lips before she can stop it.

Finn is already halfway there, being coached by Ben, who stayed behind so he wouldn’t wobble the pegs further.

“The next one is a little further away, so just spring forward a little bit more,” Ben yells. Finn has a death grip on his glider, so much so that Rey can see the whites of his knuckles from here. Its a good five minutes before Finn reaches the next tree and the mocking jeers of her friends below her do nothing to calm her fear.

Rose goes next, deciding that Ben did a good enough job coaching Finn and deciding she needs that same support going forward. Rose does not account for the fact that Finn is a big scaredy cat and required a lot more input than she does.

“How are you so good at this? Are you secretly Tarzan, swinging from trees instead of going to a traditional gym?” Rey asks Ben. He laughs at her, but keeps his eye on Rose.

“Guess I’m just used to this more than you, _city slicker_.” Ben taunts Rey with the same endearment from yesterday. Rey just rolls her eyes, figuring insulting the person who will be coaching her through the rest of this course would not be of the wisest decisions. God knows she needs to make a few more of those.

“I used to climb these trees when I was a kid, so I guess it’s just engrained in my psyche to not be afraid of it,” Ben shrugs. Rey’s eyes snap up to him. Ben never willingly talks about his childhood. He usually has to be at minimum four bottles of wine deep before he even brings up events that happen prior to him turning 21, so Rey is shocked to hear this information.

“ _These_ tree? Like in Chandrila?”

Ben nods. “This used to be a camp ground. Han, Chewie, and I would stay further towards the lake, but it’s a real possibility that I actually climbed these exact trees, like twenty years ago.”

The admission feels very intimate and Rey’s throat goes dry thinking about that. Images of a ten-year-old Ben, with big ears and braces, climbing trees while Han watches on, probably trying to freak him out more than help him, flashes in her mind. She bites her lip from saying something stupid and ruining the moment, instead just letting out a soft “Oh.”

“I made it!” Rose screams when her foot touches the base, and Finn scrambles to pull her fully on it, to safety.

“You want to go first?” Ben asks her, moving out of the way.

“Lets go together.”

_So much for not saying anything stupid_ , she thinks.

“Okay,” Ben says, hooking on their gliders together. Rey wants to scream never mind and climb down right now, but Ben is holding a hand out to her before she has a chance to do anything.

So, she takes his hand.

Ben keeps her close, only one peg between them at any given time, one hand wrapped securely around his rope and the other holding onto Rey. Not that it would take much effort on his part. Rey’s hand is clutching his like a vice, like it’s the only thing keeping her tethered to this equipment. It’s warm and calloused from hours of tugging rope and she tries to think of any other time they held hands for that long.

They haven’t before, she realizes, and she’ll be damned if she ever lets go now.

They’re halfway across before Rey’s foot catches one peg the wrong way, making the bridge wobble and sway in a very terrifying fashion, and she calls out Ben’s name without even thinking.

“It’s okay, I’m right here,” He says, staying still for her. Her eyes are looking down at the forrest floor that now looks much, much further away than thirty feel. She can feel herself shutting down, which is not the most helpful of experiences when in the middle of a rope bridge.

Suddenly, she’s eight again, climbing in the junkyard, looking for salvageable parts she can bring to Unkar, at the top of a pile when a marred up television crumbles, making Rey slide down the pile. The cuts and bruises she got lasted months and some of the deeper scars still haunt her skin.

“Rey, look up. Look at me.” She knows she hears Ben talking, but she can’t move a muscle in her body. “Rey, I need you to look at me, _please_.”

She thinks even when she was eight, the little Ben wouldn’t have let her slip. Her eyes snap up to his and she can feel the reassuring squeeze he gives her hand.

“You’re attached to a safety rope. There is a net beneath us. _I’m right here_. I will not let you fall.”

If she could move, she would kiss him. Right there. In front of God and her friends. In front of the staff that are waiting for them to be done so they can bring in the next group. On the tree that little Ben climbed.

“Can you go further? Can you let me help you?” He asks and all Rey can manage is a terse nod. They go even slower now, Ben helping her with each step. Her friends are silent and Rey is grateful for small mercies. When they reach the tree, Rey’s knees give out. She stays on her hands and knees, taking deep breaths and trying to shake off the memory.

After a few moments, she feels Ben’s hand on her head, brushing back some hair that had fallen in her face. She can’t bring her eyes up to meet him, ashamed that a little jungle gym made her spiral so far.

“We’re going down now. There’s a ladder right below us. I’m going to go first, okay. Just follow me and we’ll get down.”

“Okay.” Her voice is a whisper, but Ben hears her. She hears him step down the ladder, until his head is the only thing peaking above the wooden base she’s kneeling on. His eyes are impossibly wide with concern and determination and it makes Rey want to cry even more.

“Just follow me, Rey.”

* * *

The water coming from the faucet is warm, doing nothing to help cool the redness in her cheeks. Rey looks in the dirty, cracked mirror, seeing her eyes still wide with terror, despite being on the ground for a solid twenty minutes. She curses under her breath and stars counting back from 100 again.

“Rey?” She hears Janna’s voice call.

“Yeah?”

“Do you care if I come in?”

Rey just opens the door to the bathroom in response. Jannah’s holding a bottle of water and an energy bar, and Rey takes both happily. They lean on the sink while Rey munches down her snack in silence.

“Feel better?” Jannah asks when Rey’s finished and she nods. She actually does. Leave it to food to cure all the problems in Rey’s life.

“That was… intense, “ Jannah says, looking at Rey gulp down water.

“I’m fine now, honest.” Janna looks like she doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t press further.

“I thought we’d have to tie Ben to a chair to keep from busting down the door, but Kaydel and I figured you could use a few minutes.” Rey’s heart lurches when she thinks about making Ben distressed.

“Where is he now?” Rey asks, trying to cover the worry in her voice.

“With Hux, by the lake. He needed to cool off too, I think.” Rey nods, happy that there’s someone else looking out for Ben too. “Can I ask you a question?” Jannah asks, making Reys’ stomach drop. She nods.

“Is everything… alright with you? I mean, in your life, right now. You’ve just been so… off this week. We’re all a little concerned.”

Rey still can’t believe she has friends that actually care about her, enough to check on her and bring her snacks. She’d fell much better about it if she wasn’t fucking their trip with her inner demons.

“It’s just been one of those weeks. I’ve felt off, too,” Rey tells her.

“Period?” _No, but what the hell_.

“Yeah,” Rey says sheepishly. Jannah nods in understanding, then scoops her into a hug. Rey hugs her back with enough force to crush both of their lungs, but doesn’t have the heart to care about that.

* * *

The ride back to the cabin is actually fine. The whole car is buzzing with the adrenalin from climbing the trees, so Rey’s friends are chatting up a storm without bringing up her episode.

Ben had, in true Ben fashion, been by her side since he spotted her come out of the bathroom. This means that he had to take the unfortunate middle seat, one that a man of 6’3 should absolutely not sit in, but did so without complaint. Their legs are squished together, but Rey wouldn’t have it any other way.

* * *

The heat from the bonfire was a welcome feel when the sun went down and the forrest got cool. It was a modest fire, despite Poe’s insistence that they build one that rivals the size of the cabin. It was the only illumination, casting a warm glow onto everyone’s faces, sticky with marshmallows that were, in fact, too big.

Everyone had taken a turn trying to give their best campfire story, which ultimately devolved into who could make their friends laugh the most, but Rey didn’t mind. Despite being in unfamiliar territory, she was surrounded by friends who loved and cared for her. Finn and Rose were sitting very closely, inching closer when the other wasn’t looking; Kaydel, Jannah, and Zorii were still roasting marshmallows, mostly just to light the big globs on fire and poke them towards everyone else; Poe and Hux were wrapped tightly together, with Poe passed out on Hux’s shoulder; Phasma was sitting at Rey’s right side, fueling the bonfire with blocks of wood whenever it looked low.

Ben was staunchly seated to Rey’s left, only mere inches away from her, like he had been all day. He didn’t make a fuss of it, just naturally gravitating towards her while doing the most mundane of things; putting up the gear from their trip, chopping up veggies for dinner, ect.

She hadn’t had the opportunity to be alone with him to tell him how nice it was, him being near. She would tell him when they were in their room together. Maybe while lying in bed. Maybe while doing things that were decidedly _un_ friendly.

She’d woken up once again with Ben wrapped around her like a vice, but they’d been screeched at by Hux, telling everyone to be ready to go quickly. There was no time to discuss what happened last night or the way they woke up this morning, and Rey was slightly relieved.

What would she say to him? ‘ _Thanks for letting me ride your thigh, now please fuck me into the next millennium and date me and love me and be this close to me always_.’ And she’d naively thought they’d have a lot to talk about when they just mutually masturbated together.

There was also something else nagging at the back of her brain. The fact that Ben didn’t tell her until halfway into this trip that he grew up camping here. The small tidbits of info she’d gotten from him only brought more questions to her mind.

There was a lot to be discussed, to say the least.

When the fire dwindles out, and Phasma heads back to her personal cottage, the rest of the gang starts dropping like flies. Before Rey knows it, she and Ben are heading down their staircase, shouting ‘goodnights’ to her fellow cabin-mates. She’d thought about it all night, how she was going to approach this. About a way to casually work into the conversation that she was curious why Ben revealed so much to her just today and not before the trip. But, Rey was Rey, and there was really only so much her head could take.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you came here with your father? Before we got here, I mean.”

Being direct is probably a good thing right now, she thinks belatedly.

Ben had just finished taking his shoes off and looked surprised at her question, but not angry at it, which Rey thought was a win.

“It… didn’t seem important,” He says, slipping off his socks too.

“I think it _is_ important, Ben. I know you don’t have the best relationship with your dad, so I’m sure this trip could be… a lot.”

“It was a long time ago, Rey. I didn’t even realize it until we got here and the roads looks familiar. If I felt like it was too much, I wouldn’t have stayed.”

“Well… okay then. But you’ll tell me if it does get to be too much, right. I can’t have us both being mentally unstable for the rest of the week.” Her attempt to make light of what happened earlier is a cheap shot, only serving to make Ben’s brows furrow.

“You’re not mentally unstable. You just had an anxiety attack. It happens; it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you,” Ben’s tone is comforting and Rey can feel tears prick her eyes again. But she doesn’t want that now. She doesn’t want to be sad around him any more today.

“If you say so,” She relinquishes, turning to go into the bathroom.

Ben is sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling on his phone when she comes out. He’d changed into his white shirt and boxer shorts (although a different pair than last nights) and Rey suddenly has the urge to ask him what he normally wears to bed. So she does.

“This usually. Why?” He questions.

“I’d feel bad if you slept in the nude and were wearing clothes just for my comfort.”

Rey see’s his throat bob.

“What do _you_ wear to bed? Normally?”

“A t-shirt,” Rey admits, “and underwear, if I have enough that are clean. Sometimes I go without just so I don’t have to do laundry so often.”

His eyes darken and his gaze feels very hot against her skin. She’s wearing an old-giant t-shirt from college with a pair of cotton sleep shorts that barely peak out from under the shirt.

“Oh,” He says, eyes still looking her up and down. “You don’t have to wear shorts if you’re… uncomfortable.”

Without saying word, Rey slowly pushes her shorts down and steps out of them. He can’t see her underwear. Can’t see the damp stain forming on them. But it _feels_ like he can. Ben places his phone on the night stand and Rey decides to be bold and step directly in front of his slightly parted legs. He looks up at her, eyes soft and hungry at the same time. He keeps his body the same, not opening his legs to accommodate her as she wants. After a minute of silent staring, Rey finally finds the will to speak up.

“Will you let me do something for you?”

Ben’s neutral expression doesn’t waiver. “You don’t need to do anything for me.”

“I know,” Rey gently drops to her knees, “but I want to.” Ben’s eyes follow her down, widening when realization crashes over him.

Rey lightly puts her hands on his inner thigh, pushing them apart with little resistance. She can she his growing erection already beginning in his boxers, spurring her on further. She presses light kisses up his thigh, giving him kitten licks too. She works slowly, feeling the muscles tense beneath her lips and being reminded what it felt like against her cunt. When she finally gets to his crotch, she rubs her mouth against him, now straining against the fabric. She presses her tongue flat against him, licking from root to tip in his underwear. She feels him twitch against her lips, seeing a small bead of wetness form.

When she dares to look back up at him, Ben’s eyes are black. He’s breathing heavily, and she can see the muscles in his chest constricting.

“Ben, can I do this for you?” She asks, eyes never leaving his, lips brushing against his cock.

“ _Please.”_ His voice is strained, like he’s already on the precipice of orgasm. Rey’s hands go to the waistband of his boxers, and he lifts his hips as she pulls them down and off.

The sight before her is magnificent. Ben’s cock is thick and _long_ , curved up towards his belly. He is flushed all the way to his tip, where a small bead of preccome is dripping onto his white shirt. Rey licks her lips before leaning towards him. Her hand comes up to gently trace a vein with just one finger, and Ben whimpers. It is the most beautiful noise she’s ever heard.

Her hand wraps around him at the base, brushing against the coarse, black hair there. She hears his breath hitch as she beings to pump her fist. She uses her thumb to swipe the drool of precome now dripping down her hands. 

Rey slowly moves her head towards him, and when she’s only centimeters from the tip, she looks back up at him and extends her tongue to taste him. The strangled groan that comes deep from within him, sends a rush between her legs, and Rey has to adjust herself so that she can rub her thighs together.

Her licks become bolder, as she begins to follow her hand from where she pumps him. He is painfully hard and throbbing in her grasp, so Rey presses light kisses up his length to sooth him. When she makes it back to the tip, she envelopes him in her mouth, tasting the tangy precome as her mouth works down further.

Rey feels one of his hands shoot up and cradle the back of her head, tangling her hair in his fingers. She’s grateful that she choose to loose the three bun look when she changed into her pajamas, because the tips of his fingers pressing into the base of her skull is _heaven_.

She moans around him, sinking even further and taking as much of him in her mouth as she can. She feels Ben’s hips twitch, and she knows that she needs to work faster now, for both of their sakes. So, Rey hollows her cheeks as she begins sucking him in earnest, moving up and down and guided by his hand.

Ben is spilling moans and profanities now, head thrown back and exposing his long, pale neck that Rey wants to devour. She quickens her pace further, feeling his whole body tense. She’s involuntary rocking her hips, seeking friction on the back of her calves, but falling short in an infuriating way.

“Rey..” His voice is a whine; desperate and pleading for something he can’t put into words. She moans against him and takes him the furthest she can into her mouth, before he hits the back of her throat. His fingers clench in her hair and she knows he’s trying to control himself right now.

But that’s not what she wants. She wants him to use the immense strength he so clearly has against her. He wants her to loose himself within her. She wants him to destroy her.

“Rey, baby, please…” Ben’s voice is low as he speaks through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna come, baby, I’m gonna come.”

Tears are pricking her eyes once more and she tries to think of a way to tell him ‘ _yes please! Please come for me, baby_ ’ without taking him out of her mouth. She stares up at him as she sucks up and down his cock, hoping that will convey everything.

He’s looking down at her again, face flushed and body heaving. “Can I come down your throat? Will you let me do that, baby?” Rey nods as best as she can with her face stuffed with his cock. Ben shouts as warm come pulses out of him.

She lets the tip rest on her tongue, and uses her hand to work him through orgasm, letting his come pool on her tongue. It’s tangy and bitter but its _Ben_ , so Rey loves it anyways. She savors the taste, swirling it around her tongue as she gives kitten licks again.

Ben is sweating. His lips are red, like he bit straight through them. His cock is still hard, but she can feel him softening slowly. They stare into each others eyes as she swallows his come.

When Rey sits back on her legs, she feels her throbbing center and involuntarily whimpers at the feeling. Her panties are soaked clean through and she’s very, very tempted to just shove a hand down to her pussy and finish herself off with Ben’s eyes taking her in.

Rey, blessedly, does not get the chance.

Ben picks her off the floor, and pulls her onto the bed, following her with his own body, and covering her. His head is kissing at her stomach, though the t-shirt that dulls the sensation but still makes her cheeks warm. When he gets between her legs, Ben lick a strip, clean up her center through her panties, before ripping them off and shoving his mouth against her cunt.

He licks and laps at her, movement only enhanced by his nose that she can feel against her clit. He leaves messy, open mouthed kisses on her folds before using his tongue to circle her clit. Rey shoves a hand in her mouth to keep from screaming too loud.

His hands grip her thighs and toss them over his broad shoulders so that he can spread her easily. His tongue delves into her, warm and wet and positively sinful. Her hips buck against him with abandon, seeking purchase against his face. His whole face is nuzzled into her, and she’s sure if he looked up at her, she’d she her juices dripping down her face. The thought makes her whole body shake.

“You gonna come for me?” Ben says against her. “You’re gonna come on my face, baby?”

Rey just chants ‘ _yes_!’ and ‘ _Ben_!’ over and over, until her mouth is incapable of forming words. Her orgasm is white-hot as it races down her spine. She feels her thighs tremble and abdomen clench as she uses her free hand to tangle in his silky locks and push his face impossibly harder against her cunt.

Ben works her through it, tongue relentless against her, lapping up at all the fluids nearly pouring out of her now. His plush lips brush against her clit every now and again, making her twitch in overstimulation that is glorious.

They stay that way for a long minute; Ben with his mouth still attached to her pussy and Rey with one hand in his hair and the other still stuffed in her mouth as tears run down her face.

When he starts to pulls back, Rey winces at the contact and he presses a little kiss to the corner of her thing to soothe her. She takes her fist out of her mouth (because, ew, that can’t look nice) and stares up at him.

Ben is still flushed. Rey is sure she is too. They’re both breath deeply, the hint of musk penetrating the air around them. Her heart is hammering in her chest, blood rushing in her ears.Ben is still looking at her.

He looks at her like she’s water and he’s been in the desert for a week.

Rey doesn’t know what motivates her to do it, but she moves anyways. She pushes herself up and grabs a fistful of his shirt and crashes her lips together. His mouth and chin are with with _her_ , but Rey doesn’t care. If anything, she _likes_ tasting herself on him; it’s like a claim.

Ben’s hands immediately go to wrap around her shoulders, crushing her to him with more force than she thought possible. His lips moves against hers, tongue tangling together as he lets her dominate his mouth. Their noses bump and teeth clash occasionally, but it only makes it that much hotter.

His hands wandered up to her head, cupping her jaw and throat as they kiss. It steadies her as she pressing bruising kisses to him, like she’s trying to crawl within him. She feels her back hit the bed again and the softness of the pillow beneath her, before she realizes he’s laid her down again. Still between her legs as his mouth continues its assault on hers.

The shrill ring of a phone pierces the silence that had previously been accompanied by the wet slap of their lips. Rey tries to turn away from him to see who would be calling him at this time of night, but his lips chase her. Ben _clearly_ has more important things on his mind.

“Ben,” she mumbles against his lips, when he moves to working her jaw. “Ben, we have to see who it is. It could be… an emergency.” Rey’s voice hitches when she feels him nip at the underside of his jaw. Ben’s movements slow against her before he literally _growls_.

His hand quickly grabs his phone to see who’s calling before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“Fucking Poe,” He mumbles before accepting the call. “What?” His voice is sharp in annoyance and Rey can’t help but chuckle at that. She hears something like screaming happening from the phone and suddenly becomes very worried, before Ben lets out a sigh.

“Fix the rooms’ A/C yourself.” More shouting happens on the other end and Rey can make out a high-pitched whine. Ben’s head drops to her chest, where his black hair fans out around him.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Ben grumbles against her t-shirt before ending the call.

Rey pushes a lock of hair behind his ear and trails her fingertips on the back of his neck, causing him to shudder. Ben abruptly pushes up and back on his legs, still red-faced and a bit angry.

“I have to go fix Hux and Poe’s A/C,” He tells her, with barely contained distain.

“Okay,” She breaths, not able to form more complex sentences at the moment. She wants to say ‘let those two deal with it themselves and kiss me again before I loose my damn mind,’ but that’s certainly out of the question.

“Stay right here. Don’t fall asleep.” Ben says as he removes himself from the bed. Ben gives her a pointed look that makes her insides clench. Rey already misses he weigh on her.

“I won’t,” She vows. Ben takes a long look at her, seemingly contemplating with himself whether or not just to say ‘fuck it’ and crawl back on her. But he doesn’t. With another growl, Ben is out the door and stomping up the stair.

Rey is asleep before he reaches the top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi on tumblr!](https://ehstarwar.tumblr.com)


	5. makes heaven drowsy with the harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _They were both mostly silent during the meal, reacting to their friends antics only when prompted. Rey could feel Bens' leg against hers under the table and if she weren’t shoveling food into her mouth, she wouldn’t have been able to resist touching him._
> 
> _Teasing him, more likely. ___
> 
> __-_ _
> 
> __Ben and Rey engage in a friendly competition to make the day go faster. (And also tease each other until one of them breaks.)_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> home stretch you guys... this was the hardest chapter to write but also my favorite so far, i think? lemme know what chu think babes. thanks for reading! enjoy (･∀･)

Rey doesn’t feel Ben crawl back into bed that night, but she sure a hell feels him the next morning. He has her in his grasp again, his face buried in her hair and lightly snoring against her neck. His arms hold Rey to his chest, body flush with his and legs shuffled together.

She also feels _him_.

Hot and aching against the cleft of her ass. It takes a minute to realize exactly what she’s feeling, but when the realization crashes over her, her whole body shivers. Rey does her best to turn towards him, eventually having to lift parts of his body to turn fully over.

“Ben,” She whispers against his neck. Her hands trace the muscles that stretch his shirt in a way that should be illegal. She moves her feet so they rub against his strong calf muscles.

Ben grumbles something, not opening his eyes, but moving his face down to Rey’s and bumping their noses together.

“Good morning,” She whispers against his cheek. Ben doesn’t respond, just shifts his face so their lips press together. The kiss is slow and warm, and makes Rey feel better than any kiss ought to. Ben’s hands come around her again, one to hold onto her back and another to kneed the swells of her ass. They make out like that for a good minute, not caring about morning breath or knotty hair, just enjoying the soft intimacy of each other.

When Reys’ hand trails lower, gently tracing the outline of his morning wood, Bens’ breath hitches.

“Rey, _baby_ ,” His voice is a whine, and that just makes Rey move a little faster. She dips her hand beneath his boxers, finding him so hard that she can only imagine how painful it is. Her hand immodestly goes to work, gliding up and down on his hot skin. Their tongues tangle together, neither of them breaking the kiss for even a moment. She feels Ben clench his muscles wherever she touches him, giving her a rightful sense of power.

Ben moves his hand to come up from her ass and rub circles on her nipples that are hard and stiff against her sleep shirt. She moans against his mouth, hand moving even faster now. His thumb rubs at one, the calluses evident even over the fabric of her shirt. She wishes he would rip it off like he did to her underwear, toss it far across the room so she could feel his flesh against her.

Ben begins to mumble something against her lips, a warning, she can tell. She just shoves her tongue down his mouth and rubs his head with a little more determination. Ben’s whole body tenses when he comes, cock straining against her hand, overflowing with sticky white come. Ben is breathing so heavythat Rey works her mouth across his jaw, nipping and licking everywhere let lips land.

His come coats her hand, a little dribbling down onto her thighs and spreading his warmth even further. Rey doesn’t feel the clenching need like she did last night after he came; the need to fall over the edge with him or she was going to die. His orgasm sends a ripple of pleasure though her, but doesn’t claw at her the same way.

When Ben gets his breath under control, his mouth seeks out Rey’s once more. She still holding him, working out the last possible drop of come into her hands, feeling powerful and satisfied and _adored_ , all in one.

“REY! BEN! WAKE UP. YOU’LL MISS BREAKFAST!”

Poe’s loud shrill breaks the silence and Rey can’t help but be reminded of last night.

“I’ll kill him,” Ben says. “I will chop his body into tiny pieces and feed him to fish in the lake. I’ll do it.” Ben says with eyes closed.

“Hux wouldn’t like that very much.”

“Fuck Hux.”

Rey smiles at Ben, watching the way she small stream of sunlight his his hair just right so it looks like a halo. On cue, her stomach rumbles. They both look down at her stomach before looking back up in silent agreement.

“Breakfast, then.” Ben says and Rey nods enthusiastically. “I’ll just… get a towel for you.” Ben gets up and walks into the bathroom quickly.

It dawns on Rey that this is the first time they’ve been sexual in broad daylight, with out the excuse of needing to get off to get to sleep. She doesn’t know why, but it feels like _more_. Probably because it _is_ more. The made out last night after… everything, and this morning before they even started. Rey tries to think about what this all means, but Ben is back handing her a wet washcloth before her mind can begin to reel.

She takes it with her clean hand, but when she goes to wipe her other hand, something stops her. She looks down, her palm covered in his now-cool come. She glances down to her thighs, seeing the white blob that landed there earlier still against her tan skin. She feels Ben watching her, so she decided to be bold.

Rey licks her palm clean; every finger, every crevice, every joint. She sucks off his come before using the rag to clean her of saliva. Ben is still standing at the end of the bed, eyes dark and posture rigid as he watches her.

“I don’t need breakfast.” His words are a growl and Rey is very, _very_ tempted to agree with him. But another rumble breaks the silence before Rey can say anything, like her body is cockblocking them now.

“I think I do,” She tells him sheepishly.

* * *

Breakfast is… an event. To say the least.

When Ben and Rey finally came up stairs to eat with the rest of their friends, the tension between them had not shifted one bit. It’s like there was a looming force around them, making them move together, reach for the same plate, brush hands whenever possible. They were both mostly silent during the meal, reacting to their friends antics only when prompted. Rey could feel Bens leg against hers under the table and if she weren’t shoveling food into her mouth, she wouldn’t have been able to resist touching him.

Teasing him, more likely.

“We have to spend all day outside today, guys. It’s our last day of full sunshine before the storms roll in tonight. If I have to go home without the epic tan I promised my office mates I would have, I’m going to personally send all of you strongly worded messages on insta,” Poe says before popping a blueberry into his mouth.

“How is that on _us_?” Kaydel asks, laughing at him. Poe sticks his tongue out at her.

“I don’t have an instagram,” Ben says, slicking up one of the wheat protein pancakes he bought for the trip. The only other person who dared to eat them was Phasma.

“Then I’ll send it to you via raven, Benjamin. Can we all just agree to make the most of today? Pretty please, for the blushing bride?” Poe bats his lashes at everyone and Finn throws a pancake at his face.

While a day lounging in the sun sounds wonderful after the incident yesterday, Rey can’t help but feel a little annoyed. She wants to stay inside. In her room. With her roommate. Preferably making each other come as many times as humanly possible. Maybe they’ll talk about what the hell _this_ is. Maybe they’ll just fuck each other boneless. Rey selflessly prefers the latter.

A shared, exasperated look at Ben tells her that he wants the same thing.

* * *

The sun is hot. The drink, once filled with ice, are hot. The damn _water_ is hot.

But all that heat is nothing compared to what Rey is feeling inside herself. Ben chose the tiniest, most ridiculously short-board shorts, that hug his taut ass just right, show off his perfectly toned long legs, and ride dangerously short on his adonis belt. Rey wants to fucking melt.

When she’d seen the low blow he pulled when he emerged with that male-equivalent of a thong, she decided pull out the big guns. And by big guns, she means the practically non-existent white bikini that shows off more skin than she’s usually okay with people seeing.

She thinks the look he gave her when he saw the white fabric bunch up in her ass was enough to get her through the rest of the day relatively smoothly. She was _wrong_.

Ben, it seemed, was also up for a challenge. An actual challenge, that is.

“Volleyball?” Rey questions, looking up at him from her sunbathing spot that she’d subtly been flashing her ass towards him. Kaydel, beside her, pipes up.

“Ugh, yes! I haven’t played volleyball since high school!” Jannah, Zorii and Poe seem all equally enthused. Rey wants to slap the smug grin off Bens face. Or kiss it.

Ben teams up with Zorii, Poe, and Hux (‘ _the celebrating couple must be on the same team_.’) leaving Rey with Jannah, Kaydel, and Phasma. Rose and Finn were ‘taking a bathroom break’ for the last twenty minutes.

Ben attached the net that he’d pulled out of god knows where at Kaydel gives Rey tips on playing.

“Weren’t you like, a super gym rat in college?” Kaydel asks when Rey eyes the ball with a tenuous expression.

“I run. And swim. On occasion, I enjoy a good barre class. But my hand-eye coordination is virtually nonexistent. I tried playing baseball once and _literally_ gave the umpire a concussion,” She admits.

“Well, there is no bats in volleyball, so just… be careful.” Kaydel gives he a goodnatured pat on the shoulder before walking off to practice serving. Rey turns to glare at Ben, who still has that smug look which Rey can’t decide if it's off-putting or unbelievably sexy.

“You know I don’t have hand-eye coordination to save my life.”

“Yes I do.”

“So you suggested that we play volleyball because you want to see me make an utter fool of myself.”

“No. I suggested we play volleyball because I found a volleyball net in one of the closets. And because I want to see what your ass looks like when you jump in that… bathing suit.” Ben’s eyes rake down her body. Rey suddenly sees the… potential this particular game has.

* * *

Only when the sun skins below the mountain tops that Rey realizes how long they’ve been playing. Well, how long she and Ben have been playing. Everyone slowly bowed out when they realized this competition was between Ben and Rey and that they each had a single minded victory to beat each other.

“Guys, we need to head in! The bugs will be coming out soon!” Jannah shouts at them. Ben is detracted enough that Reys’ serve to Ben hits him square in the chest before bouncing off into the water. Rey doubles over in laughter, seeing Ben walk towards her with determination.

“I swear… I didn’t mean…” Rey can barely talk though her laughter as she tries to justify herself. Suddenly, Rey is lifted from the sand, feeling two strong arms hoist her up. Ben carries her back towards the house, steely expression on his face.

“I think this means I won?” She taunts, poking him in the chest. She’s rewarded with a low mumble that sounds like ‘ _no_ ’ and ‘ _you wish_ ’.

He carries her up to the cabin, only setting her down once there outside the door where her friends laughter drifts towards them.

“Were going to eat dinner,” He says, the same determined expression still on his face. “Then we’re going to bed.”

“Okay,” Rey breaths. He pulls her inside then, practically dragging her to get her food.

“Are, uh, you guys hungry?” Finn asks as Ben load up both of their plates with militant precision.

“Yes,” Ben replies, stoically.

“Lots of volleyball. We’re both starved,” She tosses over her shoulder. Ben sits down at the dining room table and begins shoving food into his mouth like it’ll disappear if he doesn’t.

Rey joins her friends on the couch, trying to be a bit more casual than Ben. Who was now staring at her from across the room. She could feel his gaze all over.

While Ben finished his monstrous plate in record time, Rey was going at a leisurely pace. Taking time to actually chew her food instead of inhale it. Listening to her friends and laughing at the appropriate places. She could physically feel Ben loose his mind.

A hard screech across the hardwood floors made everyone turn their heads to stare at Ben.

“I’m going to bed,” He announced, eyes fixated on Rey. He stomped around the group and down the stairs, leaving the door open as a clear invitation to her.

“The fuck in up with Solo?” Zorii asked.

“Maybe he got sun poisoning. I mean, his thighs were super white. It’s possible he’s never been exposed to this much direct sunlight in his life.”

“He’s not a vampire, Kaydel. Plus, if he is pale enough to get sick by the sun, don’t you think I’d be sicker?” Hux defending Ben was still the cutest thing to Rey, even if she’d never tell him.

“Well you and Poe spent enough time canoodling in the shade, so I think you’re safe,” Kaydel retorted, causing everyone to laugh. Soon enough, the conversation drifted from Ben’s unusual state and onto other things decidedly less interesting to Rey.

“I’m going to make sure Ben is alright. I’ll… probably be going to bed too.” Rey stands up quickly, suddenly very driven to get down to Ben as fast as humanly possible.

“Tell Benjamin that I have plenty of Aloe if he needs it. And that ice baths don’t actually help,” Hux calls after her. She just gives him a thumbs up and closes the door to the stair case.

By the time Rey makes it to their bedroom door, her heart is pounding in her chest. Would this be the night they talked about whatever the hell is going on between them? Would they pretend like they have every other night that this is normal? Or would Ben sweep her off her feet before she had the door opened all the way and make her forget her own name as he fucked her into the next dimension?

There was only one way to find out.

The door squeaks open and Rey finds Ben frowning down at her suitcase and reorganizing her clothes for her. When he hears her open the door, Ben’s head snaps up and his body is coming towards her within an instant.

His lips find hers in a bruising hold, hands coming up to hold her head as his mouth pushes against hers.

“You… took… too… long.” Each word is punctuated by a kiss, his mouth not straying far from hers even to speak. He’s still shirtless, still in his abysmally tiny board shorts and Rey can feel his warm skin pressed against hers. She grips at his chest, runs her hands down his back and across his arms, _anything_ just to feel him.

Bens’ legs are shoved between hers, pressing his thigh against her as he continues his assault on her mouth.

“You just… gonna stay here… and kiss me all night?” She teases him, voice airy and light. Ben works his mouth down her jaw to her throat, chest, stomach, until he bends down and picks her up by the legs.

“You’ve got to stop picking me up, Ben!” He deposits her on the bed, standing back now, bathed only in the light coming from the bathroom. She can see his erection in his board shorts, so she traces her foot along the length of him. She sees his jaw work and his neck tense and she’s tempted to just stick a hand down her bottoms right there.

“Rey,” He catches her foot, holding it in his warm hand, “I need you to tell me that you want this. Not to sleep. Not because you’re frustrated. But because you _want_ this.” His eyes are filled with an intensity that she’s been exposed to quite a bit in the last few days. Her prior experiences with it do nothing to quell the nervous butterflies she gets.

“I want this, Ben. I want _you_.”

Ben crouches onto the floor, kissing down her leg. He spreads her apart, mouthing at the juncture between her thighs. He gently takes her swim bottoms off her legs and tosses them away, before delving into her pussy. She’s wet, embarrassingly so, but Ben doesn’t seem to mind. His mouth moves against her, pressing kisses against her folds and on her clit. She tangles her hand into his hair, same as last night, as his tongue licks strips up and down.

She’s mewling for him, bucking her hips until his palm comes around to hold her pelvis down. She clutches his hand where it rest on her skin, and his thumb rubs little circles into her. Her orgasm comes much quicker this time, probably a result of being kept on edge for the entire day. She moans his name as her body vibrates with the intensity, legs crushing his head in the process. If Ben minds, he doesn’t mention it.

He soothes her, pressing light kisses up her cunt, nuzzling the brown thatch of hair between her legs, teasing his tongue up her stomach to come circle her nipples. Somehow, Rey had managed to pull off her bikini top (not that there was much to pull), so she was laid gloriously bare before him.

When her breathing returns to normal, Ben speaks again.

“Every time you’ve come, you fall asleep right after. I don’t intend on letting you do that tonight.” His voice is deep and menacing and Rey thinks she could come just from the vibrations it makes against her skin.

“What do you plan on doing about that, Solo?” She taunts.

Suddenly, Rey is being hauled further back on the bed, with Ben coming to lay over her. His mouth is sucking at the skin of her neck, no doubt leaving enormous hickey’s that she’ll have to figure out how to cover tomorrow.

But that’s Tomorrow Reys’ problem.

Her hand trails down his torso, feeling his shorts are still on, but his cock crying desperately to get out. When Ben feels her hand on him, he quickly sheds the material, coming right back down to kiss Rey again. She tugs him a little, spreading the precome over his cock to lube him up. Not that he needs it, with the way Rey is dripping.

“I plan on fucking you so well that you forget what sleep is,” He murmurs against her skin. “That you’ll never be able to sleep again without dreaming of my cock. Of me making you come so hard you forget where we are.”

Rey can only mewl at his words, clawing at him and trying to line him up with her. Ben partially obliges, moving his hips between hers, rubbing the thick head of his cock up and down her pussy. Rey tries to move her hips to force himin her, but Ben is in control at the moment.

“Please, Ben, _please_. I need this… I need you, please…”

He pushes into her slowly, like he’s savoring every moment her tight, wet heat envelopes him. He’s big in her hand but somehow feels even larger inside of her. It’s not painful, he prepped her too well for that, but fulfilling in a way that makes her toes curl. Like she was made for this exact moment for Ben to push into her. When he’s fully seated inside of her, Ben rest his forehead against hers.

“Rey… _fuck_. You’re so fuckin… fuck, Rey. You’re _prefect_. Made for me. Just fucking perfect.” Ben is still inside of her. She’s not sure if its for her to adjust, or for him to control himself. Rey peppers kisses along his jaw, watching his eyes clenched shut and breath through gritted teeth.

“So good, Ben. You’re so good. You feel perfect too, baby. Just for me.” She hope her words calm him, make it easier for him, but the growl that originates from somewhere deep within his bones makes her think otherwise.

“I just need… a minute. I wanna make this good for you. Wanna make this last.” His lips are against her neck now, breathing hot breath onto her with every word. “Want to fucking _live_ inside of you, baby.”

It’s another minute before Ben can move. Rey just cards her fingers through his hair, marveling at how his black locks can remain so silky even after a full day of sweat. His hand comes up to her jaw, and cups her face so that he can kiss her deeply, tongue going so far down her throat she thinks she might swallow it.

His hips begin moving at a snails pace; sharp, shallow thrust that make her breath hitch all the same. He forces her thighs even further apart so that he can get deeper within her, nearly bumping her cervix.

Ben’s thrust get more sure, move faster and harder. His cock brushes against a bundle of nerves that makes Rey see stars behind her eyes. It doesn’t matter if she’s just come a few minutes ago; she’s going to come again and _soon_.

“You gonna come around my cock, baby? You gonna come for me?” Ben asks between kisses.Rey just seeks out his mouth more, wanting every part of her to be connect with him as much as possible.

Ben sticks a hand by where their bodies meet, rubbing at her over-sensitive, over-stimulated clit, until Rey is a babbling mess. She feels hot tears of desire prick at her eyes as her hand clutches Ben’s head down to hers.

“‘m gonna come, Ben. Please, I need to come,” She whimpers against him. Ben grunts something unintelligible against her lips, but feels his whole body begin to tense up.

“Gonna come to, Rey. Gonna come in your perfect little cunt. You want that, you want me to fill you up?” _Yes, yes, yes_. Rey is beyond words at this point so she hopes the sloppy nodding of her head will give him the answer she’s so desperate to convey.

When Ben’s thumb catches her clit and his cock brushes against that bundle of nerves inside of her, Rey looses her mind. She sees stars and feels warmth like she’s never known and hears the most beautiful sound in the world. Ben, mumbling her name as he comes and comes. His come feels so good inside of her, a warmth that she never knew she needed until right now. His body is tense as he releases, pressing their hips flush together so hard that she thinks they may never part. She’s okay with that.

Ben sags against her, nearly crushing her with his impressive weight, but Rey _loves_ it. She’ll hold him against her forever if he’ll let her.

Ben moves his head to kiss her again, softer this time. None of the hurried rush they’d experienced before. He’s still firmly inside of her, keeping his come warm and thick in her. She’s boneless and breathless and has never felt this high on ecstasy in her life.

Ben’s lips break away from hers and he rest his forehead on hers, looking down at her with so much emotion Rey is not mentally prepared to decipher.

“That was…”

“Yeah.”

“I meant it. Everything I said.”

“Me too.”

They’re silent for a minute, content with just staring at each other. Ben seems to realize that Rey is essentially trapped under him, so he pushes himself up, slowly pulling out of her. The rush of fluids that Rey feels escape her makes the flush in her cheeks deepen. Ben is staring between them now, watching their combined come trickle out of her.

“I probably should’ve asked this before but…” His eyes slowly ascend to hers, “do you take birth control?”

“No,” She shakes her head. Something flashes across Ben’s face that is not the fear she anticipated. “I’m on the shot.”

“Oh.” He looks… disappointed? Maybe not quite sad, but there’s a longing in his gaze that Rey isn’t used to, but thrills her all the same.

“That was a very good way to keep me from falling asleep,” She says, not nearly prepared to talk about _that_ subject. She doesn’t even know where _they_ stand.

“Is that your way of telling me you’re ready to _actually_ go to bed now?” Ben’s sheepish demeanor returns and Rey is thankful that he’s on the same page as her.

“Not if you can think of something even better to keep me awake.”

Bens’ gaze darkens once more, and Rey knows that they’re in for a _long_ night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi on tumblr!](https://ehstarwar.tumblr.com)


	6. they kill me with a living death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _They’d been like this the whole night. Sleeping only periodically, spending the majority of their time fucking. Slowly sometimes, without any real desire for release, just the feeling of each others bodies. More roughly, other times; desperate pounding that Rey is sure leaves bruises. But she loves it. ___
> 
> __-_ _
> 
> __Ben and Rey celebrate their first time having sex with more sex._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u all so much for the love so far; u are all my favorite people ever. also plz don't hate me.

She doesn’t know what time it was. It could be four a.m.; could be noon; could be an entire different year for all Rey cared.

Ben worked his mouth over her chest, laving at her hard, pink nipples that felt perpetually hard. His mouth sucked on one, the other being attended to by his hand; caressing, tugging, flicking. Like it was his one and only purpose. His come was still running down her thighs, combined with the slickness his mouth was creating. His other hand was pulsing in and out of her, two fingers deep in her cunt. His thumb teased her clit until it felt like it was about to fall off.

They’d been like this the whole night. Sleeping only periodically, spending the majority of their time fucking. Slowly sometimes, without any real desire for release, just the feeling of each others bodies. More roughly, other times; desperate pounding that Rey is sure leaves bruises. But she _loves_ it.

Her orgasms now don’t come as shocking currents, but more like tidal waves that wash over her entire body. His fingers work her through it as his mouth continues sucking hickeys over her chest. When he withdrawals his finger, Ben brings them to his mouth, sucking every last drop of Rey he can.

Reys’ hand delicately traces all the moles on his face, making a constellation that she’d repeatedly kissed through the night. His eyes were hooded, she didn’t know if that was from lack of enough sleep or desire for her. She’d like to think it was both.

“What time is it?” She asked, voice hoarse from screams she muffled with pillows or Bens’ hand.

“Who cares,” Ben says, peppering kisses up her neck.

“My body has gotten quite used to eating multiple times a day, so, it cares.”

Ben scowled. “I’ll bring you food.”

“You don’t think our friends will notice it’s odd that you’re up and I’m not?”

“I’ll tell them you’re feeling under the weather. That I’m probablyalready infected with whatever you have, so I’ll take care of you.”

“That sounds nice…” Ben chuckled into her skin, tickling her neck. “It may be more believable if I go up and say you’re sick. They think you’re a vampire that got sun poisoning yesterday.”

“Our friends are idiots.”

“Yeah, but we choose to be friends with them anyways.”

“Hmmm…” He rubs his face into her hair, inhaling deeply. “It may be wiser for you to go up. That way you won’t fall asleep in a post-orgasm haze. _Again_.”

“Ugh,” She lightly smacks his arm, cheeks turning red. “I fall asleep because of some sort of sex hormone that orgasms produce. If anything, the blame is on you, not me.”

“I totally believe you, baby.”

There it was. _That_ term of endearment that made Rey hot in all the best ways. Which is bizarre. It’s a very common nickname for significant others that Rey just so happens to have never been called before and now Rey doesn’t want to be called literally anything else.

It also presents another problem.

It was an endearment that couples called each other. People who were dating. Had established that they were seeing each other. Who could, for the most part, talk to their partner and figure out where their relationship stood. Something Rey and Ben had yet to do.

The idea of the forthcoming conversation that they needed to have (they were well beyond the point of being able to put it off), was enough to make Rey shoot up from the bed and out of Bens’ grasp. She rooted around for clean underwear and clothes she could slip on so as not to scar her friends for life.

“You really are hungry,” Ben comments, still laying on the bed.

“Benjamin, have you met me?”

“Fair.”

“Any particular order that you’d like to place? But I’ll have you know that my culinary skills peaked when I learned to put an egg in instant ramen.” Bens’ mouth twitched up at the corners.

“I’m sure you’ll get enough for the both of us. I’ll just eat whatever scraps you leave behind.”

Rey side eyes him as she begins to climb the stairs. She hears an even toned voice call up ‘ _try to throw a vegetable in there, too_ ’ before she opens the stairwell door. 

* * *

After their bellies are full and Ben eats Rey out again (his desert, he’d teased), they wind up in the shower. Ben holds her up, using the tile wall as a support as he relentlessly thrust up into her. Their bodies are slick and Rey would normally be worried about the likelihood of slipping, but she doesn’t with Ben. At no point did his muscles feel like the were ready to give out. He just held her, pounding into her with ruthless abandon, making her chant his name like a prayer.

“You gonna come for me, baby? You gonna get us all filthy again right in the shower?” Rey could only manage to moan for him, nodding her head against the cool tile. Bens’ mouth descended onto her shoulder, lightly biting down as he began to come. His hands held her hips flush with his, leaving no option for Rey other than to just hang limply in his arms as her orgasm crashed through her too.

Ben was sweet with her then, sinking them both to the shower floor, still attached, as he brushed the water and wet strands of hair out of her eyes. They were like that a minute until she heard a bottle being opened, then felt ben work shampoo into her hair.

“You’re gonna make my hair nice… like yours?” She asked, still a little breathless. He just hummed in acknowledgement. He rinsed out the shampoo before putting conditioner, then worked a soapy wash toweled down her whole body, missing no nook or cranny, even cleaning each toe individually.

Rey felt like a fucking _queen_.

Rey returned the favor to him, taking advantage of being able to run her hands through the glorious mop of black hair on his head, and tracing all the hard plains of his muscles. Rey though she’d get scored for taking extra good care washing his firm ass, but Ben didn’t seem to mind.

They rinsed off, and Ben got out before her, so that he could dry himself off before wrapping Rey like a burrito in a warm towel. She brushed out her hair, applied lotion down her whole body; pampering her for reasons she was too high to question.

They ended up back on the bed, Ben finding new sheets in the small closet and placing them on there. They’d have to think of a believable way to wash the come stains out of the others before they left. Neither of them seemed to care too much at the moment.

Rey went back to munching on some wheat thins she’d snagged from the kitchen on her run while Ben sat, facing her, rubbing her legs.

“We should probably talk about… this,” Ben spoke, suddenly, causing Rey to choke for a second on the four wheat thins she currently had stuffed in her mouth.

“About what?” She questioned, mouth still full. Ben gave her a pointed look.

“ _Rey_.” She waived her hands in surrender, setting down the box beside the bed and swallowing the rest in her mouth.

“You’re right, you’re right,” She says, while situating herself a little straighter. A hollow feeling formed in her gut at the thought o having to talk about their relationship, but it’s what adults did. Get through something uncomfortable so that something slightly less uncomfortable wouldbe waiting for her after.

“I guess I just want to know where we stand… like after… everything.” Ben gestures vaguely to the dirty sheets in the corner.

“After all the sex, you mean.” Bens’ ears turn red and Rey can’t help but caress them.

“And.. things like that. We didn’t used to do that before.” Rey drops her hand slowly.

“I guess… I don’t know where we stand. It’s… a lot to process.” His face falls.

“We’ve had all night to process.”

“We were sort of busy all night, if you’ll remember. Plus, we’ve been friends for eight year, Ben. Twelve hours isn’t exactly a ton of time to think things over.”

“What is there to think about?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am. What is there to think about Rey?”

She gets up from the bed, needing to put distance between Ben and herself.

“Eight years, Ben. We’ve been best friends for eight years. Going from platonic emotions to very sexually charged emotions, merits a little bit of thinking.”

“Such as?”

Rey huffs, searching her head to find something that wouldn’t make Ben scoff at her. Like there waschance of that happening.

“Like… who I’m going to call when I want to get drunk in my apartment and watch trashy shows with if I can’t call you.”

“Why wouldn’t you call me? If we’er together, wouldn’t I be the person you’d do that with, no questions asked?”

“What if we fight, Ben? What if we do what we’re doing right now? Who could I call then?”

“We both have other friends! Hell, we’re in a house full of them right now.”

“But you’re different. It’s different between us, Ben, it always has been.”

“That’s exactly why there’s nothing for us to think about! We were always headed towards this!”

“It’s not easy for me to just accept that! You’re my best friend! If it turns out that we _weren’t_ meant for this and we do break up, what am I supposed to do? I can handle loosing a boyfriend, but I can’t handle loosing my best friend on top of that!”

“That won’t happen.”

“We’re fighting right now and we’re not even officially dating.”

“We wouldn’t break up, Rey. We’d make it work. I’m not your parents, I’m not going to leave you like garbage.”

Rey goes rigid. Her whole body tenses as the words play over and over again in her head.

“Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me, Ben. You can’t be upset with me for being scared.”

His jaw works as his eyes continue to stare deeply into hers.

“I’ve proved myself for eight years that I won’t leave you, Rey. What more do I have to do?”

Rey stares right back at him, unmoving.

“Maybe not be a huge asshole to me while asking for us to be together would have helped.”

Neither of them can move, both unyielding in their respective ground. When it’s clear that their thoughts on this won’t change either, Rey turns around to grab clothes. She takes off the comically large t-shirt that Ben placed on her, replacing it with her own clothing.

“I’m going to stay with Rose for the rest of the trip.” She doesn’t turn to tell him that, but she can hear the squeaking of the bed as he gets up. He doesn’t say anything. When she turns to face him to grab her phone, she sees that his expression is still hard, but his eyes softened a bit.

Rey forces down the tears that will absolutely be spilling soon.

“Rey, I-” But he doesn’t finish. Rey looks at him, willing from him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. He closes him mouth and Rey leaves the room.

-

When Finn opens the door to Roses’ room, he’s met with a watery-eyed Rey.

“Oh, hey Rey. Rose and I were just playing cards. But like, we didn’t have any cards so we were playing with ones on our phone. That’s why there’s no actual cards here. What did you- Are you okay?”

“Finn, I think I messed everything up.” Rey breaks into sobs before she can finish speaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi on tumblr!](https://ehstarwar.tumblr.com)


	7. so long lives this, and this gives life to thee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“He waited for me, you know, before we drove up here. Ben didn’t have to work Sunday but I did, so he stayed behind and waited for me to get off work so that he could drive me here.”_
> 
> _Her friends are silent, but she feels Rose rub soothing circles on her back. She wants to tell her to stop. That her hands feel so different from Bens’ that they just serve as a reminder that he will probably never touch her again. ___
> 
> __-_ _
> 
> __The bachelor trip comes to a close, forcing Ben and Rey to deal with their fallout._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've reached the end! while it's definitely bitter-sweet, i'm still a lil proud of being able to get a 23K fic out in under a week. (gave myself a lil quarantine wine to celebrate).
> 
> thank you all so much to everyone who's read, commented, kudos, and more. it's honestly the best thing in the world and make writing so much more enjoyable. thank u all (im givin u all social-distancing smooches)
> 
> i love these two space dummies with my whole heart and can't wait for the next time they invade my brain with their shenanigans （●´∀｀）ノ♡

Rose braids Reys’ hair as she sits on the bed, knees pulled to her chest, quietly crying. Finn sits on the other side of the room, still a little shell-shocked from Reys’ admission.

“So you guys have been sharing the same bed this whole week? Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked.

“When we first got here, you all sounded pretty drunk, so I didn’t want to take advantage of anybody. I realized after the first night that asking someone would mean that they would know we had slept together the night before, so it was easier just to go with it. I didn’t… realize what it would turn into.”

Finn quietly ‘ _hmm’s_ ' to himself and Rose just keeps working on her hair.

“Plus…” Rey doesn’t know how to form the words without crying a little harder, “it was _nice_. To be beside him. Even when I didn’t have… all these feelings. It was nice.”

“I gotta tell you, this is a little shocking to me. I think I’d be able to comfort you more if this wasn’t… such a surprise.” Rey shrugs.

“I mean, we’ve been friends for a long time; surely it’s not totally out of the blue.”

“No, I mean, we all thought you guys were already together.”

Reys’ head snaps up.

“Finn!” Rose chides, hands ceasing movements.

“You thought Ben and I were already dating?”

“Peanut, you guys literally do everything together. Ben hasn’t been out with any one in a long, _long_ time, and you get so defensive whoever we try to set you up with anyone. We just kind of figured you weren’t ready to tell us.”

Reys’ mouth hangs open in shock as Finn speaks. She scoots towards the edge of the bed, and turn to look at Rose. “You thought this, too?”

Rose looks sheepishly at her. “Kind of? You and Ben are just so close. It just made sense to us.”

Reys’ gaze wanders around the room, trying to find anything to look at that wasn’t the faces of her two best friends. She lands on Roses’ suitcase and it reminds her of just how different she and Ben are.

“How could you think we were dating? Ben is… Ben! He has a career and goals and goes to the gym more than once a month. Hell, he has a fully stocked pantry of ingredients. I… don’t. I work at a damn auto shop. My apartment will never actually be fully clean. I have a diet akin to a garbage disposal. I don’t even own a suitcase, just a ratty old duffle bag. My kitchen only has frozen meals. My most consistent relationship is with my Postmates delivery guy, except for-”

_Ben_.

It goes unsaid, but everyone in the room knows it. A fresh wave of tears splinters through her body as she tugs herself into a ball.

“He waited for me, you know.” Her voice is unsteady as she speaks, muffled by her sweater. “Before we drove up here. Ben didn’t have to work Sunday but I did, so he stayed behind and waited for me to get off work so that he could drive me here.”

Her friends are silent, but she feels Rose rub soothing circles on her back. She wants to tell her to stop. That her hands feel so different from Bens’ that they just serve as a reminder that he will probably never touch her again.

“We were dating and I didn’t even know it,” Rey continues, speaking more to herself than anything. “We were dating and I fucked it up before I could enjoy it.Before I could tell him I loved him.”

Because she does love him. Not in the way that she should love someone who is exclusively a best friend. Not like she loves Rose or Finn or Poe or Jannah or Kaydel or Phasma or Zorii or Hux.

She loves him in the way that makes her want to wake up next to him every morning. In the way that she doesn’t mind his incessant cleanliness or him reorganizing her suitcase halfway through their trip. In the way that makes her want to kiss him overnight before they go to bed. In the way that she only wants to go places with him, wants to tell him about everything that happens to her. About the intense loneliness that can only come by being abounded by the two people who should love you most in the whole world. She loves him in the way that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. To love him, and cherish him, and give him everything he wants. To be everything she can for him, to give him children, to raise them with him.

She loves him in the way she loves a soulmate. Even if she didn’t know it until too late.

* * *

She spends the night in Roses’ bed, sleeping only in small spurts. Rose makes her drink water at some point, only giving her fuel for her tears.

When the sun comes up, Rose is passed out beside her, snoring loud enough that Rey is sure she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. So she gets out of bed, changing to clothes that Rey will apologize for stretching out, before tiptoeing out of the room.

Rey fills up a water bottle, getting ready to take a hike and enjoy the last few hours of the Chandrila woods before she’s thrust back into her life back home. A life that she is unable to stomach without Ben. But she has time to dwell on that later.

A pinched voice snaps her out of her reverie.

“Where are you going?” Hux asks, making Rey jump.

“Um, on a hike. There’s a trail near here somewhere, Poe told me.” Hux regards her for a moment, and Rey thinks that that’s the end of the conversation. She and Hux aren’t exactly close, but a mutual merging of friends means that they’re apart of each others lives. Or at least, it used to. 

“I’ll join you. I know the path.”

Rey knows the shock covering her face is unsightly, but she can’t care at the moment. Hux is already ahead of the game now, quickly slipping on his sneakers by the door and walking out. Rey does the same, needing to speed walk a little to keep up with him.

Part of her is annoyed that her self-exiled hike will now not include crying while overlooking the lake and perhaps even yelling at a few unsuspecting squirrels, but the fact that Armitage Preston Hux III has decided to join Rey is enough to keep her from being too sad. Hux regards Rey like a new significant other would regard the annoying pet of their beloved; with vaguely disguised distain and, for the most part, apathy. Rey didn’t mind this, truly. Ben once told her that it took many years for him to understand Hux, but he realized that the cool demeanor was really just his love language.

She follows him into the woods, stepping much more clumsily than his precise footwork. His bright red hair makes him look like a flare in the cool greens and browns of the forrest, but she wouldn’t dare tell him that.

They hike in silence for a while, only speaking to point out poisonous bushes and various animal dung. They reach the peak of a cliff that looks out over the Chandrila lake before Hux slows down. Rey walk in front of him, in awe of the sight before her. She tries not think about how much she wishes Ben were beside her.

“He’s my best friend,” Hux speaks. When she turns towards him, his gaze is on the horizon. “Ben and I have been through some of the toughest moments in our lives together. We made it through Snoke, through First Order, through the worst that a young adult can live through. He’s a brother to me, certainly more than any of my biological brothers, the imbeciles. Ben is the only person besides Poe who has ever seen enough of me to hate me and has chosen not to.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Hux finally looks over at her.

“Ben loves you, Rey. He’s loved you from the moment he’s met you and I suspect that he’ll love you the rest of the time he’s alive. You could kill him and he’d love you more for it.”

Rey looks down at her feet, feeling a tear drop to her shoe.

“You know what happened, don’t you. You know I messed it up.”

“It is literally impossible for you to mess things up with Ben.” Rey looks up, giving Hux an incredulous look. “You could never do anything that Ben wouldn’t forgive. Even something as stupid as freaking out when he suggested you start officially dating. Ben’s tolerance for even the most… erratic of behavior is astounding. Though I’m sure you already know that.”

“Why are you saying this? Helping me go back to him?” She asks, honestly surprised that Hux would mention anything at all. If anything, she’d thought he’s be glad that she wouldn’t be around to steal his fancy hair gel as much.

“Ben can brood better than fucking Byron. If he looses you, he’ll be a mess that I’ll have to take care of. I can’t afford that much stress; it’ll give me acne.” Rey chuckle, wiping tears from her eyes. She think Hux’s mouth twitches the slightest bit. “Plus… I’ve decided that you’re tolerable.”

“I’m honored,” She deadpans while continuing to wipe tears. She decides that this is probably the only time she’ll be able to do this without severe bodily harm, so she throws her arms around Hux, forcing him into a bear hug. His body is stiff against hers, but she holds steady.

“Thank you, Armitage.”

“Don’t thank me yet. You still have to fix this and you’re sitting next to Ben at the wedding. I don’t care what state you’re relationship is in, I am **not** changing the seating arrangement.”

Rey hugs him tighter. 

* * *

When they make it back to the cabin, Rey sees the rest of her friends loading up cars. She rushes past them, ignoring their calls, and heading straight down to her room. Upon first glance, Ben wasn’t in there. The bed was made, but his suitcase was packed and ready to go by the closet, as was hers. She walked into the bathroom, but turned swiftly around when she heard the door to the bedroom burst open. Ben was standing there, out of breath and hair sticking to his forehead, like he’d been running around for the better part of an hour.

“Where did you go?” He asked, breathless.

“Hiking, with Hux. He took me through the trail,” She admits. Bens’ chest inflates for a moment, but whatever he’s about to say, he thinks better of it. Rey decides that this is her one and only chance before they leave their little sanctuary to make things right, so she speaks with ill prepared words.

“I need to say something.”

Ben nods to her.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a huge idiot and reacting so poorly when I really should’ve just listened to you. Nothing gets me in as much trouble as my stupid mouth and I really have got to learn when to just shut up. But none of this really matters because I’m sorry. For eight years you’ve been the best, most important part of my life and the fact that I’m realizing this just now is truly criminal. You’ve meant more to me than I can accurately describe and I hate myself for not realizing that before it’s too late.”

Ben goes to speak, but Rey cuts him off before he can.

“I love you. I know it’s shit timing and that there are probably much better ways to have told you this, really any other way, but I need to tell you. I love you so much that I was so scared to muck everything up that I ended up doing just that anyways. But I do love you. And I hope that after everything I’ve fucked up that you’ll at least forgive me a little and still be in my life, because my life isn’t full without you. So you don’t have to say anything now. You don’t have to forgive me until you’re ready. But just know that I love you and I probably always will no matter what. And if-“

Ben silences her with his lips. His kiss is urgent but sweet, and Rey throws herself into it when she realizes what happening. Her arms instantly go around his neck and his wrap around her waist. Their lips move together in a forceful clash, but Rey wouldn’t have it any other way. His hand comes up to cradle her face as he pulls away, only centimeters, but Rey misses the contact anyways.

“I love you, Rey. I think I have my whole life, before I even knew you. I know I always will. And I’ll tell you how much I love you every day for the rest of time. If you’ll let me.”

Rey just grins and pulls him down to her lips once more.

* * *

The wedding was, in true Hux and Poe fashion, a beautiful spectacle that would be talked about amongst attendees for the rest of their natural lives. The orchestra that was hired (‘ _Because one measly band isn’t nearly enough to capture our love, Rey_ ’) was playing a soft ballad, the grooms’ first dance song. It was a familiar song, one that Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on, but he orchestra made it sound just classy enough for the happy couple. Rey watched on, enjoying her two friends swaying and looking every bit of loved up as she wanted for them.

Ben shifted his arm around her waist, and leaned down to put his mouth right next to her ear.

“Did they really choose a Disney song for their first dance?” He questions, voice low and breath tickling the side of her face. Realization dawned on Rey.

“Oh my god! The saps!” She chucked, trying to keep her laughter low as to not to distract from the couple. She could feel Bens’ laugher against her arm. She nuzzled further into him resting her head on his shoulder as his arms tightened around her.

Five months after their historic Cabin Rendezvous, as Rey had taken to calling it (earning an eye roll from Ben every time), they were happier than they’d ever been. Dating someone who you had no idea you were dating for years, was a lot easier than she had anticipated. Drawers were already full of the others items, kitchen riddled with the others favorite snacks, bathrooms stocked with each of their respective toiletries. The new things were nice too. Holding hands for days on end, a kiss out the door, being able to introduce each other as girlfriend and boyfriend, respectively.

But Reys’ favorite thing was the sex. The mind-blowing, awe-inspiring, blow-you-back-out sex that Rey truly questions how she went so long living without. They decide to make up for lost time, for sanity purposes.

Rey feels his hand around her hip, which has gotten lower and lower through the night, and puts her palm over his, lacing their fingers together. He presses a sweet peck on her temple as they begin applauding for Hux and Poe. The orchestra then invites others to come join the couple in dance, and before Ben has time to protest, Rey is dragging him to the dance floor.

Ben only has a slight frown on his face when Rey pulls them together and begins swaying to the music, and Rey feels like she’s won. He smiles down at her after a moment and brushes a loose hair out of her face.

“This all looks… very elaborate. No wonder they had to plan for a year.” Ben looks around to the ballroom, the entire thing decorated to perfection.

“Weddings are a notorious pain in the ass to put on. They end up being more for everyone else than for the couple,” She adds. Ben hums quietly in agreement.

“Should we start planning ours now? If it takes that long?”

“Ben!” She chides, keeping her voice low. She looks around to see if anyone overheard their conversation, but everyone seems to be wrapped up in their own little world. “We can’t talk about that here.”

“Just because we talk about the wedding doesn’t mean everyone will know we’re engaged.”

Rey widens her eyes and gives him a pointed look, earning a Ben Solo Eye Roll™.

“Fine, fine. But I still think its silly you don’t think our friends would be happy for us once we told them. They literally threw a party _for themselves_ when we told them we were dating.”

“It’s not that they won’t be happy for us, I just don’t want to steal Hux and Poe’s thunder. They’d never forgive us and we’d have a very hard time finding more groomsmen for you.”

“That’s fair,” Ben concedes. The small glint in his eye, the one Rey knows very well means ‘Trouble Ahead’, flashes, and Rey gets nervous. “So you don’t think they would appreciate me re-purposing right here, right now?”

“Benjamin Solo,” She warns. Ben just grins at her. “If you purpose here, I will allow your mother to throw us the biggest, gaudiest, most over-the-top, wedding that would rival a royal one.”

His face falls the slightest bit, but Ben is clearly still enjoying this too much. She tugs him closer, letting her hands rest on his chest as his wrap around her waist.

“And I will wear the fluffiest, tulle-inundated, eighty layered, white dress this century has every seen.” Bens’ face complete changes, and he knows he headed into dangerous territory now. “You’d suffocated before you’d find my cunt.”

Rey is quite pleased with herself as Ben grumbles a ‘ _never mind_ ’ and continues to sway in companionable silence.

“You’d still marry me though, right?” She hears him question. Rey pulls back and looks into her fiancés eyes. She presses their lips together in a sweet kiss, that probably shouldn’t be happening in the center of a dance floor, but she can’t bring herself to care.

“Of course, Ben. I’ll always say yes to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi on tumblr!](https://ehstarwar.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> [come say hi on tumblr!](https://ehstarwar.tumblr.com)


End file.
